Firewhisky
by Just Another Angry Feminist
Summary: To hide how broken she is inside, Ella has always been a wild child. Her big brother was the prankster and planned the best parties, and his wish after he left Hogwarts was for her to keep the tradition alive. His other wish was for her to include Sev Potter so he didn't waste his last year at Hogwarts in the library. No one had any idea how much that would change everything.
1. The Mysterious Flyer

**Hi, this is my 3,928,374th Albus Severus Potter story, I think I have a problem. Anyway, I don't think I've done one anything like this before and I'm kinda anxious to see how it plays out. You guys always seem to enjoy these, so let's get started, shall we?**

 **This is a cast listing of all my characters:**

 **Ella: Maia Mitchell  
Alexia: Gigi Hadid  
Sev: Logan Lerman  
Scorpius: Bertie Gilbert  
Austyn: Ariana Grande  
Bryn: Jamie Blackley**

* * *

 **PARTY IN THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT**

 **FRIDAY**

 **MIDNIGHT TO DAYBREAK**

I charmed the last flyer onto the wall before disappearing into an alcove as the prefects made their rounds. Luckily, I was an absolute master of charms and made the flyers invisible until tomorrow and next to impossible to remove, painful boils would cover anyone who tried to spell them off. They would also hide themselves from the professors and evaporate after classes were finished Friday. The last thing I needed was for the party to be a bust before it even happened. I did have a legacy to keep up after all.

Once the coast was clear, I slipped out of the alcove and stuck to the shadows until I found the secret passage back to the dungeons. The passage was on a thing called the Marauder's Map, a map of all the secret parts of campus handed down to James Potter from his father. He and my big brother Stef were best friend from the first time they met. He passed the knowledge down to me; the two of us were always really close even if I was a year younger.

The only person in the common room was my best friend Alexia and she was asleep on one of the couches. I smirked and immediately hatched a plan to prank her. It was always an adventure being my friend and she knew but stayed anyway. Most of the time she wasn't the target of the pranks, but sometimes she made the opportunity impossible to avoid.

I knew better than to do something permanent, I would never hear the end of it. Even knowing about her vanity, I quietly muttered a spell under my voice to turn her hair green temporarily. I wasn't bragging when I said I was good at charms, she wouldn't be able to reverse it without my help. I also knew she wouldn't look at her hair until tomorrow morning and it made the prank even sweeter. Part of being a prankster was knowing your targets.

"Lexi, I'm back," I whispered, shaking her shoulders and watching her slowly wake up. "The flyers are in place, the party's going to be the talk of the castle for years to come."

She just muttered under her breath and headed to the staircase without looking to see if I was following her. She was my backup in case the secret passage was blocked hence why she was in the common room at 3 am. Sometimes the portraits liked to play pranks of their own and block some of the secret passages, it was appreciated but annoying at the same time, and ignore people when they asked for entrance. It was always good to have a second option.

* * *

The next morning Alexia's screams were my alarm and it made me laugh. The other girls groaned and sat up groggily, glaring over at me. I guess they'd shared a dorm with me long enough to know it was my fault when she screamed most of the time.

"Morgana Eleanor!"

She used my full name, I must've really upset her. I still couldn't wipe the smirk off my face as I got out of bed and went into the bathroom to assess the damage. She was standing in front of one of the mirrors with a towel around her body and a pissed expression on her face.

"Reverse it this instant!" she shrieked, holding out a lock of seaweed-colored hair. "I know it was you and I know I can't reverse it without making it worse!"

"I thought you said you could pull off any look, Lexi?" I mused, leaning back against the doorframe with my arms crossed over my chest. "Does that not include green hair? What about your inner Slytherin?"

"I'm not kidding, Ella. Reverse this right now," she whined, even stomping her foot for emphasis. "I can't very well expect Arthur Bigins to ask me to the party looking like I just spontaneously grew legs and escaped from the Black Lake!"

"If he doesn't love you at your Poison Ivy, he doesn't deserve you at you Storm," I quipped back, making a Muggle reference I knew she wouldn't get.

She turned around and glared at me with her hands on her hips. If I didn't change it back, I would have to deal with her complaining for the rest of the day. Today was supposed to be filled with people trying to figure out who planned the party and me putting said party together. I didn't have time for her to be pissed, she had to help me.

I went back to my bed and grabbed my wand before reluctantly changing her hair back. The color stayed pretty bright over night; I was getting better at charms. That meant my flyers were going to be almost undetectable by anyone other than students. An excited shiver coursed up my spine: this party was going to be so much fun!

"You're going to help me get the Room ready for tomorrow night, right?" I asked as I watched her do her makeup.

"Do I have a choice?" she retorted, saying the spell to keep it in place. "I basically agreed to help you do everything when we became best friends first year, even the crazy things that land us in detention."

She was being dramatic, we'd only had detention a handful of times. For all the pranks I did, I almost never got caught. My big brother, James Potter, and Freddie Weasley always took most of the heat so I could go undetected. Now that they'd all graduated, the burden fell to me and I was prepared to carry it. I was a seventh year after all, it was my job to keep Hogwarts interesting.

"Maybe old Art likes bad girls, Lex?" I suggested as I headed to the showers. "Just something to think about!"

Alexia was the conscience I often times ignored. I did whatever I wanted most of the time without thinking of the consequences. Drank too much, did too many pranks, and missed too much class. With all that being said, she still had my back no matter what happened and I had hers. She even let me borrow her notes when I wasn't in class, a perk of having the exact same schedule. Just like best mates were supposed to do.

* * *

The party tomorrow night was the talk of the Great Hall at breakfast that morning. I couldn't wipe the smug smirk off my lips because of it. People were almost as excited about my party as they were for my brother's. I couldn't wait to write him after Saturday and tell him how well it went.

Just as I was thinking that, the owls flew overhead and dropped our post onto the breakfast plates. I had a letter from Stef and a postcard from my Gram. She didn't quite understand how the post worked so she always sent things to mum and then Stef sent them to me. It was the perk of having a wizard brother in an otherwise muggle family. Slytherin had become far more accepting since the Great War, or maybe I was just too manipulative to go into any other house…

 _Ella,_

 _I've heard from my sources you've placed flyers around school that can't be seen by professors and are immovable from the walls. I'm very impressed, that's some next level charms, little sister. I guess you're going to fill my shoes just fine, even if you were the one that always charmed my things –but that's not the point._

 _There are ulterior motives for this letter, I regret to inform you. James, Freddie, and I were having a pint the other day and he told me about his little brother's misguided affections for a certain brunette with a secret septum piercing. Sound familiar?_

 _Sev Potter thinks you're the hottest thing next to Firewhisky, little sister. Imagine if you got married! I'd be related to my best mate and my sister would be a freakin' Potter. How sick would that be?!_

 _Right, I got a bit off topic. It's very important that you get Sev to come to your party and open up more. He's too reserved right now and that's not how anyone needs to spend their last year at Hogwarts; you've got to get drunk at least once. As for how you're going to get Head Boy, never done a thing wrong Sev Potter to go to your unapproved soiree, I'm not sure. But something tells me you can use your feminine wiles_ _to get just about anything._

 _Your loving and very impressed brother,_

 _Stef_

"So I take it by the smile on your face Stef approves of your party?" Austyn said, sitting down across from me and Alexia at the table.

"So you've seen the flyers? Are you impressed?"

"I thought Stef snuck back in and did it for a second, then I remembered he couldn't charm his way out of a wet paper sack and knew you'd done it. Color me impressed," she said, winking saucily at me. "I've got your alcohol covered, doll."

Her dad owned a Firewhisky distillery and she had access to as much alcohol as she wanted at the legal age of seventeen. Stef also taught me it was all about who you know, the more connections the easier it was to pull things off AND get away with them. Granted, Austyn was my friend before I knew about her father, but it _was_ helpful sometimes.

"You're a peach, Aus," I complimented, spooning gravy onto my plate. "Guess what ingenious knowledge my boisterous brother just bestowed upon me?"

"Some sick alliteration?" Bryn said, sitting by Austyn and finishing off our group.

He played Quidditch with my brother and took my virginity fifth year. Granted, Stef didn't know about the latter and I had no plans on telling him in the immediate future. Big brothers didn't like to know that their mates deflowered their younger sisters…or so I'd heard. Even if Bryn was more my mate than his, he'd probably take it seriously and try to beat him up or something else masculine of the sort.

"He told me Sev Potter fancies me and said I have to make sure he comes to the party tomorrow," I replied after I stuck my tongue out at Bryn teasingly. "It's apparently an Azkaban-worthy crime to let him leave Hogwarts without getting drunk at least once, or so our brothers think."

"Sev Potter fancies _you_?" Alexia exclaimed dramatically. "He never leaves the library. Has the poor thing ever even seen you? Do you even know where the library is?"

I maneuvered my wand through the air and caused her to drop her eggs onto her lap instead of in her mouth. When she glared at me, I just smiled patronizingly at her and winked for extra effect. She couldn't complain because she'd deserved it.

"It makes sense. Don't the boring, shy boys always love the wild girls?" Austyn asked, taking more bacon from the tray between us. "He's pretty cute, for a guy who doesn't really talk, I mean."

I just nodded and started thinking about the way to get him to the party. Stef was right, everyone needed to party at least once before they left Hogwarts. It would be criminal if I let the poor boy rot in the library for the rest of the year, right?

* * *

 **If you liked this, leave a review and tell me. Please?**


	2. Minor Meltdowns and Makeup

**Thanks so much for reading, guys! It means the world that you're so supportive of the story.**

 **I also hint at some stuff from Ella's past and changed the summary of the story, but I don't actually have any details.**

* * *

Despite Alexia's disbelief, I knew where the library was and had been in it a couple times. The hard part was finding Sev Potter in the huge, sprawling room. I figured he'd be somewhere that was private, somewhere away from other people. Granted, I didn't know the kid, he just seemed like the type from what Stef had said. I also figured it was easier to get work done when you were alone in the quiet.

I checked all the corners to no avail, this boy was seriously hidden in the shelves. I was about to call it quits when I saw a shock of white blonde hair beside inky black swoop: Sev and Scorpius. I adjusted my skirt and robes before making my way over to them.

Scorpius was facing me and I saw his jaw go slack for a second before his eyes flashed back to Sev's. A look was exchanged, well, I assume it was exchanged, before Sev turned to look at me. I saw his cheeks turn a violent red as the tips of his ears quickly followed, I guess he didn't think Scorpius was telling the truth about my presence.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" I asked, perching on the edge of the table by Sev's hands.

Sev just stared at me without speaking so Scorpius quickly took the slack. "Studying for exams. What can we help you with, Ella?"

"I'm sure you've seen the flyers on the walls, but I wanted to personally invite the two of you to my party tomorrow night," I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder and biting my bottom lip demurely as I looked at Sev and asked, "You're coming, right?"

"Uh, probably not…" Scorpius said, Sev still speechless and staring. "Right, Sev?"

He nodded jerkily and managed to make it look like he wasn't on the border of a panic attack. "Yeah, we have a parchment over gillyweed due we haven't finished yet."

"I know, I have the same parchment due before we leave for Christmas," I replied, pushing his arm playfully. "That's more than enough time for you to finish it, you're brilliant, Sev."

His face had just calmed down but was flaming once again at my praise. "I don't know if I'm _brilliant_ or anything. I just want to be finished so I can do my Head duties without worrying about it."

"Have you been to a party before? Drank alcohol?" I asked, pushing him a little bit further to see what happened.

"Uhm, I had champagne at my cousin Vic's wedding…" he trailed off, looking down at his parchment instead of me.

"You're James Potter's little brother! How have you never drank?" I asked, grinning when he tried to splutter out a response but came up blank. "Relax, Sev, I'm only kidding. I just think you should come to at least one party before we leave Hogwarts. It would mean an awful lot if I was your first."

Before he could start spluttering once again, I stood up and winked at him before turning and leaving the library. I could usually manipulate anyone into doing anything I wanted, and I'm pretty sure Sev was no exception. I saw the look on his face, just a little innuendo made him putty in my hands.

See? I told you I belonged in Slytherin -muggleborn or not.

* * *

"I've never seen this much alcohol in my entire life."

That was a very accurate statement, I don't think any of us had. Austyn's dad sent the alcohol to the basement of Honeydukes where we used the secret passage from the good ole Marauder's Map to sneak it to the Room. There were seven cases of Firewhisky with ten bottle in each case. So, in all, we had seventy bottles of liquor. Bryn took it upon himself to mix up some punch with a punch, his terrible pun not mine.

The party itself was close enough to the holidays that everyone was chomping at the bit for it. Classes got a bit tense toward the end of the semester and a rager was what everyone really needed to release some stress. I had a feeling there would be very little whisky left by the Saturday afternoon.

I shook myself and went back to charming the room to my liking. Alexia was responsible for music, Austyn definitely had alcohol covered, and after Bryn finished the punch he was going to help me soundproof the walls. Even if the Room was already soundproof, a little extra precaution wouldn't hurt. The professors usually ignored the sounds when they passed the room, and I wanted things to stay that way.

"B, you're going to also make sure no one below fifth year gets in, right?" I asked, charming the floor to repel any spills and never be slippery or sticky.

"I'm going to need your help with that charm, Ellie. I'm not quite at your level of expertise yet," he replied, winking in my direction and making Austyn howl in delight.

"You two are gonna shag again before we leave Hogwarts and I know it!" she shouted, making Alexia nod her head in agreement. "See, even Lexi agrees!"

I just ignored both of them and finished charming the couches to be stain resistant. Bryn and I got together an hour or so later to soundproof the Room. Then I closed my eyes and reopened them to see a fridge in the room. Bryn caught onto my idea quickly and put his punch inside. The last thing we needed was for it to go bad overnight and poison half of Hogwarts tomorrow. I don't think Headmistress McGonagall would over look that.

"It's almost curfew, we'd better head back to the common room," Alexia said, looking at the clock hanging on the wall.

Even if I wanted to argue, I knew she was right. I would come back after classes tomorrow and put the finishing touches on the Room. Everything was coming together so well, I was impressed with myself.

* * *

Class drug by Friday and I could tell the others thought so, too. Everyone was wound so tightly the room felt like a champagne bottle before it popped its top. A couple professors even dismissed class early because they couldn't handle the tension. I guess everyone wanted the party this year to be as good as the years before, myself included.

I was in my element, i.e. charms class, when an unfamiliar textbook sat on the table beside me. This was an advanced class so none of my friends were in here, there was actually only a handful of kids. With that being said, I figured I knew all the kid in the class –with the exception of Sev Potter it seems.

"My brother informed me that he put you up to inviting me to your party tonight," he said, completely ignoring pleasantries. "I'm not a charity case that needs the popular, unattainable, wildfire brunette to pay attention to me so I feel better about myself."

"Excuse me?" I asked, my jaw hanging slack without my permission. "What are you on about, Potter?"

"James sent me a letter saying I'd better go to the party you were throwing or I'd be a pussy for the rest of my life," he told me, anger making his eyes hard emeralds. "Where do you get off making me your pity case? I like being in the library, I like being Head Boy."

"I never said there was anything wrong with either of those things. I just wanted you to come to the party because I want everyone to be there," I explained timidly, my insides quivering at his loud voice. "Our big brothers are best mates, why can't we at least be friends?"

"Because I don't want to be your friend, Ella. I don't want to be one of the guys you drink with and then don't talk to the next morning. I don't want to be you and your shitty friends' charity case," he seethed before slamming his hands on the table, making me jump, and storming off.

I just sat there in shock for a couple minutes, fear coursing through me. Sev Potter never struck me as the shouting type, I figured he was always calm and reserved. I wasn't making him a charity case, I just wanted him to come and have fun. I also wanted him to tell James how fun the party was so he would brag to my brother about it…

The second I walked into the common room, my friends were all over me. I guess I looked as torn up on the outside as I did on the inside. I hated being yelled because of things I don't like to talk about. Sev's voice reminded me way too much of them and it made hysterical tears burn my eyes.

"Ellie, what's wrong? You look like you're about to start crying," Alexia cried, rushing forward and touching my shaking shoulders.

"Uhm, I don't think Sev's coming to the party tonight," I forced out past my quivering bottom lip. "I'm going to go take a shower and then go finish decorating the Room for tonight."

The last thing I wanted was to have a meltdown in the common room, there were way too many prying eyes. People were supposed to think I was the fun wild child without a care in the world, not a broken doll. That wasn't something I really wanted to talk about right now, it would be too hard to avoid a complete meltdown.

I stayed in the shower until my bottom lip stopped quivering and my eyes stopped burning. As soon as I got out, I took two shots of whisky back to back to calm my frazzled nerves. I went back into the dorm with Alexia in the middle of curling her hair and Austyn applying eyeshadow as Justin Bieber played. I was really thankful they didn't ask too many questions, it would make my life more complicated than it already was.

"Are you feeling better now?" Alexia asked, spelling her hair into place. "You look rough. I would recommend makeup and more liquor."

I flicked her off before doing as she instructed because she wasn't lying, I did look pretty bad. I guess having a minor breakdown in a shower with a silencing charm around it didn't make wasn't the secret to being beautiful. All that mattered was I was better now and makeup could fix even the ugliest of faces.

Forty-five minutes later we were finished getting ready and headed to the Room of Requirement for final touches. There was a little over twenty minutes before the party started and I still had to sit out cups of whisky.

"You look hot, Ella," Bryn said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist as I poured the final ones. "Fuck, you smell good, too."

"You look like you've already started drinking," I remarked, sliding out of his grip easily and putting some space between us. "And you smell like it, too."

He jutted out his bottom lip in a pout but ended up laughing and ruining it. Drunk Bryn ALWAYS tried to sleep with me, every single time. We were both sober my first time and there hasn't been a second. The last thing I wanted was to have sex with someone who was drunk, it would probably just add to my long list of baggage. I was well on my way to being able to supply a bloody luggage store already, I didn't need anymore.

"I see guests coming!" Alexia exclaimed, using the looking glass we'd installed earlier to see the hall outside the Room.

"Showtime, ladies and gentlemen!" I shrieked, lowering the lights and starting the music. "Let this end of the semester party begin!"

* * *

 **Thanks so much for reading again, I really appreciate it!**


	3. Alcohol Leads to Anger

**I can't seem to stop writing this story! Every time I get a notification about getting a follow or a favorite, my instinct is to start writing another chapter. And when I get reviews... It's even more intense!** **So, here's the next chapter. I hope you guys like it.**

 **Rose:** **Daria Sidorchuk**

 **Diego: Jordan Rodriguez**

* * *

More people came than I thought and I couldn't be happier. Bryn was talking up some leggy blonde fifth year and I winked as I passed by. I wanted him to find someone that made him happy, but odds were she would end up being just a hook up. Something in Bryn refused to be in a committed relationship and I kind of related, it was the reason our friendship made so much sense.

An arm wrapped around my shoulders from behind and Austyn whispered in my ear, "I think you were wrong about Potter skipping out on the party tonight. He just came in with Scorpius and Rose."

"Oh, so he's not too good to be here now?" I asked, the Firewhisky making me more sassy than usual. "I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind."

"Go get 'em tiger," she said, spinning me in the right direction and giving me a little shove.

Just as she said, Sev was standing awkwardly with Scorpius and Rose in the corner. I pushed my hair over my shoulder and made my way over to them. I wasn't drunk, far from it actually, but I had enough confidence to confront him without stuttering and that was just what I needed.

"What a surprise to see you here, Sev! I didn't think you'd actually come, especially after you shouted at me in advanced charms," I said, my turn to ignore pleasantries.

"We're going to go somewhere that's not here," Rose said awkwardly, grabbing Scorpius' arm.

"There's a table of drinks over there if you want some," I smiled, pointing to the corner across from us. "Drink as much as you like, we've got a ton!"

Rose smiled and thanked me before leading Scorpius away. I turned back to Sev with my arms crossed over my chest and my foot tapping. I wanted to know who he thought he was! The gall of him to come to my party after he told me I wasn't worth his time just this morning.

"I overreacted, I'm sorry," he told me, studying his shoes instead of looking at my face. "I thought it was going to be a prank or something…"

"Huh? Why would I prank you?" I asked, confusion taking the place of my anger for a brief second.

"Because you're a brilliant prankster, I know you were the mastermind behind most of James, Freddie, and Stef's pranks," he told me. "I mean, why else would a girl like you talk to a guy like me? It's not like you need tutoring or anything, you're smart, too."

"This would've been cruel and I'm not cruel," I told him, my feelings getting hurt at his insinuation. "You seem to think very little of me, Sev Potter."

Instead of waiting for him to reply, I disappeared back into the crowd of people. Rose and Scorpius were dancing close a few feet from the drink table. I thought they were just friends, but the way they were moving together told me otherwise. I kind of hoped I'd find someone to fit with like that one day.

I didn't want to dwell, I wanted to get drunk. I took a cup of whisky off the table and chugged it down, ignoring the burn in my throat. Then I grabbed another and sipped from it as I made my rounds.

"You're too beautiful to not dance with me at least once tonight, Ella," Diego Lent said, taking my hand in his and moving his body closer to mine.

Diego played Quidditch for Gryffindor and his body showed it. He and I never really spoke before, but he was definitely attractive. He had really warm brown eyes and messy black hair, the cliché cutie –the perfect guy to make me feel better. I wanted to lose myself in alcohol and cute boys, it was the only way to do so properly.

"Then take me to the floor and dance with me," I grinned, taking another drink from my cup as he led me into the thick of dancers.

I pressed my back against his chest and pushed my hair over one shoulder. Our hips moved together easily, his hands holding my waist with my free one behind his neck, my fingers knotted in his hair. As we danced, one of his hands started sliding up my stomach under my top, but I ignored it at first.

"You're so sexy, Ella," he breathed against the side of my throat, his fingertips brushing under my bra.

I made a noise of agreement but pulled his hand back down to my waist. I wasn't about to let him touch me that intimately in public. I might be wild, but i wasn't into having sex with random guys. I have super bad trust issues and sex called for a lot of trust, something I didn't really have.

He left his hands on my waist after that, he wasn't going to push me? That was new, I was used to guys trying to push their luck. I didn't even know they could graciously accept a refusal, I thought it always resulted in a huge fight that made me hyperventilate or dissolve into tears.

The song ended a little while later and I stepped out of his embrace. He didn't try to pull me back or walk away from me, he just watched my face. I guess he was waiting for me to say what I wanted to happen.

"I'm not going to have sex with you tonight," I told him matter-of-factly. "If that's what you're looking for, I'm sorry."

"That's not the kind of guy I am, Ella. If you don't want anything, that's cool," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "I just wanted a dance."

"So that's why you hand your hand up my top?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him. "Nice try, Diego. I'm tipsy, not stupid."

The two of us parted ways and I went to refill my cup. One of the cons of drinking as much as I do is my very high alcohol tolerance. I would have to drink an entire bottle of Firewhisky to get drunk, but I didn't want to do that. I just wanted to be tipsy enough to have fun, it was the best way to be at parties you were hosting.

I was just thinking about how good the party was going when I heard shouting. In the middle of the Room, a huge fight had broken out. Bryn was too drunk to do much so I stepped in to see what was up. Two guys were throwing punches at each other and shouting, something about a girl sucking one off and fucking the other. I don't know, I just knew I had to stop it before someone got hurt and we got in serious trouble. Fights were prohibited on school grounds, a very hard-kept rule.

"Hey, what's up? Don't fight, there's too many people packed too closely together here," I shouted, moving between them and trying to put some distance between the flailing limbs. "You're going to hurt someone. If you want to fight, do it somewhere else."

"Fucking bitch, don't get involved. This doesn't concern you," Adam Flannigan said, grabbing my wrist and using it to pull me out of the way.

"Stop, you're hurting me!" I whimpered, trying to pull my arm out of his grip as my chill façade instantly dissolved and memories tried to rush in. "You need to go, Adam. You're drunk and you're making a scene."

He sneered down at me and I had more flashbacks, this time of cruel, alcohol-induced sneers. He used his grip on my arm to push me completely out of the way. Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them away because I knew I had to break this up. I could have a breakdown later, I just couldn't be in detention for the rest of my life. If I was big enough to throw this party, I was big enough to handle what happened at it.

"Oi, the lady said you need to get lost!" Scorpius shouted, moving to stand between them like I was earlier and forcing Adam to drop my arm.

I felt hands timidly holding me and navigating me out of the Room. When I looked behind me, I realized they belonged to Sev. I tried to ask him what he was doing, but I couldn't seem to get enough air to say anything. This was a full-fledged anxiety attack and I was helpless to stop it. Even worse, I was having it in front of Sev Potter, the boy I'd made a dramatic exit from an hour or so earlier. Wonderful.

We slipped into a passage and the next thing I saw was a huge room with a comfy couch and fireplace. Sev led me over to the couch and sat down beside me, pushing my hair out of my face before taking my hands in his.

"Hey, it's okay. We're in the Head common room, no one's here but us. Fiona went to sleep a couple hours ago and she sleeps like the dead," he told me, rubbing my hands as he spoke. "Those pricks are gone, I'm not going to hurt you or shout at you. Never again, Ana."

Then he started talking about his gillyweed paper and I listened closely. Not because I wanted to know about the herb, the calm lull of his voice soothed my ragged nerves and quick breathing. After a couple minutes, my breathing was regular again and I wasn't sweating anymore. Something told me he had experience with anxiety, he couldn't just _know_ how to calm someone down...right?

"Thanks," I told him, pushing up from the couch. "I've got to go back and make sure everything's okay at the party."

"Sometimes talking to someone you don't know about things is easier than talking to your best friends and you look like someone who needs to talk…"

"What do you mean? There's nothing to talk about," I told him without turning around.

"I saw you have a total meltdown because those dumb pricks were yelling and holding your wrist. There's something bothering you," he replied, I heard him get up and felt him stop walking just behind me. "Is your wrist okay?"

Alex did yank me around by it earlier, and it was kind of aching now. I just didn't realize it because I was struggling so hard to breathe earlier. When I actually looked at it, it was red and I knew it'd be a nasty bruise in the morning. I also knew it could've been a whole lot worse.

"Uhm, it's not broken…" I replied in a hollow voice. "It's just bruised, it'll be okay."

He moved to stand in front of me and waited until I looked up at him to start speaking. "I want to hear everything. Tell me about it, start wherever you're comfortable and tell me whatever you want, just talk to me."

No one had ever taken such an interest in me, not even Alexia and she was my best friend. "I don't know where to start, it's a really long story."

He looked at his watch before looking back up at me. "It's only one in the morning, I don't have rounds until five in the morning, I've got time."

There was a ton of reasons I should go back to my party. I'm sure my friends were all looking for me, but I couldn't seem to make myself leave the room. I pulled my booties off and tucked my feet under me after I sat down beside Sev on the couch.

"Whatever I tell you can't leave this room, no one can know about it. Not even Rose and Scorpius because my friends don't even know."

And just like that, I was about to burst like a balloon and spill my secrets to Sev Potter.

* * *

 **The next chapter is going to be Ella's backstory, every part of it. So hang around for that, it's definitely going to be intense.**

 **Also, drop a review and tell me what you think and maybe the next chapter will be out sooner...**


	4. Cathartic Cuddles

**I had no intention of going away from almost an entire MONTH! I'm so sorry for being MIA for so long, here's a new chapter.**

 **There is some mention of abuse and stuff of the nature, this is a trigger warning.**

* * *

"Whatever I tell you can't leave this room, no one can know about it. Not even Rose and Scorpius because my friends don't even know."

"Of course," he told me, turning his body completely to face me. "Everything you tell me stays between us."

"Okay, so, Stef and I are muggleborns; until he turned eleven and got his letter, we just thought there was something wrong with us. I mean, why else did things happen without our consent or us even realizing it?" I asked, figuring I'd start out small and work up to the big stuff. "My mum was understanding, ecstatic even, when she found out the two of us were wizards, but dad wasn't."

How do I even go about explaining my father to him? I'd never told anyone about him and to my knowledge neither had Stef. We swore to each other we'd take the secret to the grave, but it was eating me alive inside. Maybe telling one person wouldn't be so bad.

"What do you mean? Did he not understand what it meant?" Sev asked, encouraging me to keep going.

"Uhm, he wasn't big on talking or trying to understand things. He liked to drink instead," I said carefully. "He got really upset when he drank and usually came home really, really angry. He'd scream at my mum, and then he'd come find me and Stef. Stef tried to hide me away and it worked most of the time, but sometimes he would still find me.

"He was really violent, yanking me places and stuff. Stef took most of the actual hits in my place," I said, not looking at Sev's face because I knew I'd lose it if I did. "He broke my wrist once, that's how I knew it wasn't broken this time."

"Oh," he breathed, smart enough to not reach out and touch me or offer his condolences. "Is that everything?"

"No, he left when I was twelve and Stef was thirteen," I continued, it was like someone had turned a facet in my head and I couldn't stop the words from leaking out. "He has a new, muggle family and has been sober for three years."

"None of that's your fault, Ana. It's his for being a terrible person and not appreciating what he had," Sev finally spoke.

I looked up at him and saw his face was completely open and vulnerable to me. You'd think I would be the only one vulnerable right now, but I guess I was wrong. He didn't usually talk to people this much, this was an experience for the both of us.

"Then why does it feel like it is? He wouldn't have had to drink if we weren't wizards. He wouldn't have walked out if we'd been better kids, if I'd been better," I said, unshed tears making my voice thick. "It's all my fault."

I moved forward without thinking and wrapped my arms around his middle. He timidly maneuvered himself so I could lay against his side and he could hold me close. For a kid that never left the library, he was pretty good at comforting people.

"That's why you were so cold to me at the party, wasn't it? Because I shouted at you," he told me, running his fingers through my hair as he spoke.

"You don't miss much, do you, Potter?" I asked in a watery voice. "Yeah, I can't handle it when people shout or raise their voice at me. It tears my nerves to pieces."

He tightened his grip on me and my chest felt lighter because of it. "I'm so sorry, I was afraid you were setting me up for a prank. I mean, no one ever invites me to anything even James. I never got an invite to any of their parties last year."

Stef always invited me, even when I helped set it up. "I'm sorry you thought I'd play that kind of prank on you. I do play them, but I'd never do anything like that. I'd never hurt someone's feelings for the sake of a laugh."

"That's good to know, Ana," he smiled, resting one of his hands chastely on my waist where my jeans covered my skin. "Is there anything else you want to talk about while we're here?"

"I feel like I have to impress Stef because he stepped up so much when dad left. He made sure I was safe and taken care of, mum looked at him as her equal a lot," I told him, figuring I'd tell him everything. "I just want him to be proud and think I'm keeping up his reputation my final year here."

"Those are some pretty big shoes to fill, a lot of weight on your shoulders," he told me, twisting my hair around his finger absentmindedly.

"Yeah, it gets a bit overwhelming sometimes," I admitted, running my fingers over the fabric of his sweater. "I bottle up a lot of stuff, Lexi doesn't even know about my anxiety and we've been best mates since we were eleven."

"Well, you can always talk to me," he told me, running his fingers through my hair soothingly. "Is there anything else?"

"I hate shouting so much, it used to send me into immediate anxiety attacks." I couldn't look at him, I would lose my nerve. "Like, worse than the one you saw earlier."

"Do you take any kind of potion or anything for it?" he asked, rubbing my shoulder with his rough fingertips. "My mum and aunt Hermione take them from time to time because of the war, ya know?"

The war was awful, especially for witches like me. His aunt Hermione was actually a personal hero of mine, but I usually kept that to myself. People knew how much I idolized his Uncle George for obvious reasons, I just knew I could never live up to the brilliant Hermione Granger-Weasley.

"I used to take something when I was younger, but it made it hard to think," I told him, drawing shapes on his stomach. "I should probably talk to a doctor about it over break."

"I have it, too, you know? Anxiety." It must've been time for him to do some spilling of his own. "It's why I'm in the library so much, I don't like being around people or in big groups. It makes me nervous and claustrophobic."

That made me look up at him in surprise. James Potter was the loudest, most outgoing person I've ever met and Lily was well on her way to being the same. Now that I was actually looking at him, I couldn't see the family resemblance as clearly as I always had. Maybe it was because I was finally seeing the Sev Potter that he hid away from prying eyes.

"That must be hard considering who your parents are," I finally said, trying to find the right words to comfort him. "I'm sorry, I suck at comforting people."

"Can I ask you a serious question?" His hands stilled in my hair as his chest lifted under my head and he took a deep breath.

"I mean, you know things about me my best friend doesn't even know. I'm not sure there's much about me you don't know, but go ahead."

"Did you dad ever actually hit you?" I should've known that question was coming, it was the only thing I left out.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I didn't talk about that much. Yeah, it happened sometimes," I told him without being too specific.

"How often is sometimes?" he prodded gently.

"No more than twenty no less than ten."

"I'm sorry."

We laid on the couch together for almost an hour after that before I looked at Sev's watch. "It's almost time for your rounds. I'd better go make sure the Room of Requirement is still standing."

My booties were always hard to put on, but I ended up losing my balance in the middle of pulling them on. Sev chuckled and wrapped his arm around me, helping me stand up as I shoved my foot into them and laced them up. I checked my makeup in the mirror on the wall and did a quick clean up spell for my running eyeliner and puffy eyes.

"You look beautiful."

I NEVER blushed or got flustered when it came to boys. Yet here I was with pink cheeks from a little compliment from Sev Potter. What the hell was happening to me right now? This was not the Ella I was supposed to be.

We went out same way we'd come in, me staying close to Sev so I didn't get lost or fall. We walked through the hallways without speaking. I didn't know what to say to him, I'm not usually much of a sharer. What do you say to someone who knew your deepest, darkest secrets?

"Where do you have to make your rounds tonight?" I asked lamely.

"I'm a Head, I have to do the entire castle that's inbounds," he answered, tucking his hands in his pockets.

Thankfully, we made it to the Room and the awkwardness could end. I paced three times in front of the wall and the door appeared. I looked back up at Sev and saw that he was already looking down at me, his eyes guarded.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed. He was surprised at first, but he slowly wrapped his arms around me. He smelled like mint, ink, and a hint of some cologne I couldn't name. There was no way it should feel so safe in someone's arms, it wasn't healthy.

"Thank you." My voice was barely above a whisper as I spoke against his wool-covered chest. "For tonight, I didn't know how much I needed to talk until I started and couldn't stop."

"I'm weird and quiet and always have ink stains on my fingers, but I'm also a good listener," he informed me, his breath rustling my hair.

Reluctantly, I pulled out of his embrace and grabbed the doorknob. Even if it was my party, I would rather go back to the Heads' common room and cuddle back up with Sev on the couch. I wasn't much of a cuddler nor was I clingy, yet here we were.

"Well, I should probably get back to my party now," I told him awkwardly. "Something about it being rude to leave and stuff."

I turned around quickly and opened the door, slipping inside instead of looking back at him. The party had died down and the room was mostly people passed out or sitting around talking in drunken slurs.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Alexia asked, rushing over to me without her shoes on and her lipstick smeared across her cheek. "I looked for you, but I couldn't find you anywhere."

I glanced behind her and saw Diego coming out of a closet she must've placed there after I left. He was zipping up his fly and things immediately fell into place. She'd been sucking him off in a closet after her best friend had a minor breakdown. Real classy, Lex.

"I'm here now, it's not a big deal."

There was no reason for me to be angry, I kept the secret of my past from her. Yet a nagging voice in the back of my head argued with me. If she really cared about my wellbeing, wouldn't she ask questions? Like, I came back from the library yesterday and almost had a breakdown in the common room, but she didn't ask what was wrong. What kind of best friend did that?

"I'm going to the dorm, you do whatever you want," I sighed, turning on my heel and heading to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She didn't even try to stop me from walking away, she must've been too drunk. The walk down to the dungeons was colder than I thought it would be. I guess that meant I should start wearing more clothing, it was winter after all. I was wearing a crop top, it wasn't much of a stretch why I was so cold.

"Mocha Truffles."

The door of the common room whooshed open and I ignored the snide remarks coming from the portrait on the door. It was something about being a "dirty mudblood infesting the sacred common room" or something. Like usual, I just let it roll off my back and slammed the door shut harder than necessary.

There was a couple people lying on the leather couches, passed out from drinking too much I assumed. I went to the dorm room and showered, the warm water taking some of the tension from my shoulders. Then I curled up in a big t-shirt under the plush duvet, falling asleep faster than I thought possible.

* * *

 **Sorry about how late this is, don't hate me.**


	5. Confessions

**This chapter is shorter than the rest, but it has QUITE the cliff hanger...**

* * *

The next morning was weird, I wasn't hungover and that was never how I woke up after a party. I always had a pounding headache and a pleasant burn in my muscles from dancing. This morning my wrist hurt and I had a brief flashback from when I woke up with it broken, but this wasn't the same thing.

I looked at the clock sitting on my nightstand and realized there was about thirty minutes of breakfast left. It was Saturday sand we didn't have class, which meant I didn't have to put on my uniform or robes. I pulled on sweatpants and a hoodie with my hair pulled up and no makeup before I headed to the Great Hall.

It was odd walking to breakfast by myself, I was usually with Alexia and Austyn, but neither of them were in their beds this morning, I guess they hooked up with guys last night or something and were still with them. Lex probably went with Diego somewhere and Austyn was gorgeous, boys fell at her feet. I probably wouldn't see either of them until this afternoon.

I was in the middle of spreading marmalade on my toast when someone sat down on the bench beside me. I almost forgot Sev was a Slytherin, he was usually too busy or distracted to eat meals with the rest of the school. I figured he had the whole place wired and could accomplish pretty much anything he wanted with the teachers, eating in the Heads' common room included.

"Hi," I smiled, watching as he shakily poured orange juice into a cup. "I didn't expect to see you at the breakfast table this morning, or any morning really."

"Yeah, I reckon I'm not much of a public eater," he told me, sipping from his cup. "But what about you? I don't think I've ever seen you without your friends."

"My friends, yeah, about that, I had a moment of clarity last night," I explained after I finished chewing my toast. "In all the years Alexia and I have been best friends, she's never tried to understand why I am the way I am. You've known me for less than twenty-four hours and already asked."

"Scorp never asks about my anxiety, but he's still my best friend."

"If he doesn't ask, who do you talk to about it?" I asked, turning to face him with my hand on his arm. "Do you bottle stuff up like me?"

His ears tinged pink and he looked like he was having an internal debate about answering my question. Whatever he was about to tell me was either really bad or really embarrassing. With Sev I was pretty sure it was the latter, I don't think he did anything seriously bad in his life.

"I talk to the portrait of Headmaster Snape."

"You mean the portrait with the man with long hair that used to hang in Slytherin's common room?" I asked, tilting my head to the side in confusion. "It went missing at the beginning of this year, how do you talk to him?"

The rest of his face matched his ears now and it made something warm blossom in my stomach. "Uh, yeah, about that… I may or may not have smuggled it to the Heads' common room, but that's just between us."

Laughter shook my body so much I had to hold my stomach. My sides started to ache, but I couldn't pull myself together enough to stop. Albus Severus Potter stole a portrait right off the wall, probably with the use of the invisibility cloak James always talked about his dad giving to Sev.

"Yeah, thanks. That's how you should react to what I told you," he said after my laughter died down.

I wiped my face with the sleeve of my hoodie and looked over at him. There was a twinkle behind his eyes I hadn't noticed before. There was something about his face in general that was different, something I'd never noticed before.

"Since when do you wear glasses?" I asked, finally pinpointing what was different.

"Since always, I just usually wear contacts," he replied, pushing them up with his finger without thinking. "I'm running dangerously low on contacts and there aren't any optometrists in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade."

"Optometrists? I didn't think you'd even know what those were."

"That's cool, just judge me because I'm a pureblood. That's really nice, there wasn't a war fought to end blood prejudice or anything."

Scorpius sat down across from us with a barely concealed surprised expression on his face. He exchanged an unreadable look with Sev, at least it was unreadable to me. Judging by the expression on Sev's face, he understood completely what he was saying.

"Good morning, Ella. It's nice to see you, your party was wonderful," Scorpius said, finally addressing me after their unspoken conversation.

"You're a pretty good liar, Mr. Malfoy. The party was shit," I smiled, glad that he was making an effort to talk to me. "Thanks for helping me break up that fight."

"Flannigan's a hothead, especially when he drinks," Scorpius told me. Then he changed gears and said, "Rose, Sev, and I are going to Hogsmeade later, do you want to come?"

"Oh yeah, I was going to invite you to that," Sev told me, running a hand through his hair.

Wow, his hair was also unruly in a way I've never seen it. It was always coifed into a perfect styled look on his head. I didn't even realize it was curly until right now. Either he was having a mental break or he was trying to be a different person for some reason.

"You were?" I was curious what would happen if I teased him a little.

I immediately regretted it, he looked like he was getting really worked up really fast. Without thinking I grabbed his hand under the table and laced my fingers with his. His cheeks turned red, but his breathing slowed and his eyes stopped being so glassy.

"I haven't been to Hogsmeade in forever! It should be fun," I said, trying to act like nothing just happened. "When do you all plan on leaving?"

Scorpius looked between the two of us but didn't say anything. "Uh, around noon probably. Rose isn't even up yet, I don't see her at the Gryffindor table."

"Speaking of Rose, are you guys together?" The look on his face was golden, a mix between shock and hopefulness. "I saw you together last night, dancing and stuff."

His normally collected expression faded and his face greatly resembled the strawberry preserves sitting near the bread. He was spluttering and trying to come up with an excuse, but it just made his hair fly out of its normal style.

"Oh, so you're not a thing? That's why you're freaking out and turning the color of jam?" I asked thought a giggle. "That's good to know."

"They've been in love since first year, Rose is too scared of her dad to ever make a move and Scorp uses that as an excuse to not make his own move," Sev explained, his hand still holding mine securely under the table.

"You're one to talk about not making moves, Potter," Scorpius hissed, tearing apart a piece of his bread.

Tension enveloped us so thick I couldn't breathe. "As nice as this is, I have to go find my friends and make sure they didn't make terrible decisions last night. I'll meet you all at the carriages at noon, right?"

Scorpius nodded and I excused myself after I gave Sev's hand a reassuring squeeze. Alexia and Austyn were in the dorms now, but they looked hungover as hell. There were blankets over each of the windows and the two of them had on sunglasses with sheets pulled over their heads. I did not miss waking up like this.

"Do you two plan on joining the land of the living today?" I asked, looking through my trunk for an outfit.

"Oi, fuck off!"

Well, I guess that was my answer.

* * *

I finished styling my hair and grabbed my wand. A simple stay-put spell would keep it looking like that until I showered tonight. I was just wearing a big jumper and jeans with ankle booties, nothing special. The crowning jewel was my septum piercing that I was allowed to wear as long as I was outside the walls of Hogwarts. I had a pretty good source that told me Sev really like it, too…

Alexia had taken the sunglasses off when I walked back into the dorm, but she still looked like she might vomit at any second. Austyn was digging sloppily through her trunk, probably looking for the anti-hangover potion. I took pity on her and did a quick Accio! And two of them flew to my hand.

"You're a lifesaver, Morgana," she sighed happily, gulping down hers and tossing the other to Alexia. "Drink that and live, my sister."

"I'm going to Hogsmeade with Sev, Scorpius, and Rose. Do you guys want to tag along?" I asked, tucking my things into my bag and hanging it across my body.

"You're going to Hogsmeade with them? What the hell happened between you guys last night? Did you have sex?!" Alexia question, jumping up and pulling her duvet tighter around her. "I want all the details? Were you his first? I bet you were his first!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I held up my hands to stop her intense questioning. "We didn't have sex, we're just hanging out. It's never a bad idea to make more friends."

Neither of them looked particularly convinced, but they let things slide. Alexia pulled herself from bed and I was surprised by all the hickeys covering her barely clothed body. I guess she was too drunk last night to put on clothes because she was in a pair of panties and a bra.

"Did you come back from Diego's room in that?" I asked, looking her up and down. "I mean, it's a cute set, but it's a bit revealing."

"I had clothes on, I guess I just stripped when I got back. I also did not realize he was sucking on my neck so much, but there's a million and four hickeys there so…"

I just grinned and headed out of the dorm, shaking my head at their antics. I knew better than to ask Austyn about her night, she was very hush-hush about whose bed she shared. I respected that, I just wanted to know what guys were her type. Wasn't that a best friend thing?

Bryn was sprawled out across a couch when I walked into the common room itself. I grinned and sat astride his hips. He grunted and looked up, smiling lazily when he realized it was me. I just had that effect of people, I suppose.

"So how was your night? Sleep with so many girls you were too tired to make it to your room?"

"Nah, I stayed after and cleaned up the party," he told me, his eyes clear of any semblance of a lie. "I tried to go with Micaela Hawthorne but changed my mind at the last minute."

"You changed your mind? Why?" I asked, standing back up and moving to sit on the arm of the couch. "She's cute."

"Don't act like you don't know why, Ella," he sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I'm in love with you. I don't want to play these games that we play anymore, I want to be with you."

* * *

 **Oh snap!**


	6. Hogsmeade and Invitations

**Hey, hey! Here's an update!**

* * *

There were many intelligent ways I could've replied to that, but none of them happened. "What?"

He pushed up into a sitting position and drug his hand through his hair. "Don't act like you didn't know, everyone in England knows my feelings for you."

He was right, I did know he was in love with me. I just never thought he would actually tell me about it. The words being out in the open made it real and I didn't know how to respond to it. I loved him, I just wasn't _in_ love with him and I hated that.

"Bryn," I started, but trailed off. "I don't know what to say."

He let out a long breath and covered his mouth with his hands, his eyes closed. "Ella, you're making this so difficult. You don't want to be with me, but you don't want to say it to my face because you're afraid of hurting my feelings. Just say it, I'm a big boy."

"B, you're one of my best mates. I do love you, just not in the way you love me," I told him honestly. "I feel like a right bitch for it, but you deserve the truth."

"Yeah, I'm sure I'll agree when I stop feeling like a deflated balloon," he sighed, flopping back onto the couch with his arm over his face.

I wanted to apologize to him again, but I refrained. Apologizing would probably make things even worse than they already were. I stood up from the couch arm and left the common room, thinking about how terrible of a person I was. What if he stopped being my friend because I was so horrid?

"Ella!"

Sev was standing in the Great Hall, probably waiting for me. "I thought we were meeting at the carriages?"

"Oh, we were, I just thought I'd meet you inside and walk out with you…" he told me, the excitement draining from his voice immediately.

Damn, I was just hurting everyone's feelings today! No wonder my best mates didn't ask me questions about my sanity. They probably thought I was unbalanced or something.

"Sorry, that was rude. I've just had a weird run-in with one of my friends," I explained, sliding my hand into the bend of his arm.

"It's not a problem," he replied, slowly regaining his bearings. "Everyone has bad days, Ana."

Scorpius and Rose were waiting for us at the bottom of the hill by the carriages. Rose hugged me and I returned it, trying to not act as surprised as I was. She didn't strike me as a touchy person, but I guess I'd read her wrong.

When we parted, I looked back at Sev and realized he was more put-together than he was at breakfast this morning. He still had on his glasses, but his hair was styled and his outfit was perfectly in place. Somehow I'd never noticed before, but Sev was actually really attractive.

All the Potters were beautiful, good genes went a long way. He was pale with dark hair and green eyes, a really nice combination. He was also taller than I'd originally thought, breaking six foot easily. He was taller than James who was about the same height as Stef at 5'11" or so.

"Since when are you taller than James?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"Since I was fourteen and he was fifteen," he told me. "I've been this height since the other night actually, didn't grow or anything."

"So I hear your party was a success," Scorpius supplied to the conversation when I stuck my tongue out at Sev's sarcastic response.

"It was the talk of the Gryffindor common room this morning, especially the dorm," Rose added with a smile. "I know I had fun."

"That's a relief, I was convinced it was a total bust. I mean, I left halfway through and came back to everyone passed out or gone."

"Oh yeah, are you okay?" she asked as she took my hands in hers, concern evident in her voice.

"I'm fine, I guess I just got a little bit too intoxicated and too overwhelmed," I explained. "I'm just thankful Sev was such a prince and helped me out."

"That's our Sevy, always helping out and being talkative," Rose drawled, but I saw the surprise behind her eyes.

Thankfully, the carriage arrived a few seconds later and we didn't have to talk. Scorpius got in the carriage and helped Rose get inside. And he told me they weren't more than friends… I just shrugged it off before getting into the carriage with Sev right behind me.

"Don't you usually go to Hogsmeade with your friends?" Scorpius asked once we were all comfortably sitting inside.

"Yeah, but the two of them are sleeping off last night," I replied with a grin. "The last I saw they were scrambling to find a couple hangover potions."

"Sounds familiar," Rose sighed, rubbing her temples.

"Did you wake up hungover this morning, too?" I asked in surprise. When she nodded, I continued on. "I didn't know you even drank, Rose!"

"You don't grow up a Weasley and not drink, Ella. I just overdid it last night," she said, her cheeks tinting pink as she glanced at Scorpius out of the corner of her eye.

She must've drank to have the courage to dance with Scorpius! Merlin's beard, she really was afraid to make a move with him. It was obvious to anyone who looked hard enough she had a thing for him. It was also obvious Scorpius returned her feelings, things were just standing in their way.

The carriage stopped right at the entrance to Hogsmeade and Scorpius hopped out first offering his hand to Rose. Then he offered it to me, helping me down like it was just second nature to him. Sev came down next, offering me his arm that I gladly took.

"We've got to stop by our Uncle George's shop really quick," Rose said, as the wind whipped at our cheeks. "Gram sent us some sweets we have to pick up."

"I love your Uncle's shop! It's my favorite place in all of Diagon Alley!" I shrieked.

Sev snorted, making me look over at him with raised brows. He was already looking at me with happiness clear behind his eyes. Something about it made my stomach knot up and my palms sweat inside my jacket pockets. Boys NEVER made me nervous or made me sweat in any way.

What the heck?

* * *

"You're like a kid in here!" Sev told me as I swirled through the store like a whirlwind trying to look at everything all at once like usual. "It's kind of cute."

Normally that would've gotten a response from me, but I was too distracted by the store. My friends never let me stay inside for very long before they drug me out. Like I mentioned before, George Weasley was kind of my hero.

"I love this place! The first time I came in here with Stef, I fell in love with how crazy and loud it was," I told him, looking away from the floating cars and whirling ribbons. "It's wonderful!"

"I like this one, Sev. She appreciates the finer things in life," a voice said from behind us.

George Weasley was standing there and it was the coolest thing ever. "I do appreciate this store!"

"Uncle George, this is Stef's little sister, Ella," Rose said, making introductions for us. "She's a huge fan."

"You're Stef's little sister?" he asked in surprise. "I've heard many good things from my son about your skills in charms. Something about carrying the torch of pranking…"

That made my face burn and excitement flood me. GEORGE WEASLEY THOUGHT I WAS CARRYING THE PRANKING TORCH HE STARTED. That was the coolest thing in the world.

"Mum said you had some sweets from Gram?" Sev asked after the two of us talked for a little while about pranking. "I'm hoping they're of the lemon variety…"

My nose scrunched up and I looked at Sev in disgust. "You actually prefer lemon flavored sweets? What's wrong with you?"

"Thank you! I've always wondered that as well!" Rose shouted, hitting her palm against mine. "Chocolate for the win!"

George handed Sev a couple parcels before excusing himself, making sure I knew I was always welcome at the Burrow, his shop, and his home. I tried to hide how excited that made me to no avail I'm sure. It was so cool to have your hero think you're also cool.

I looked around for Scorpius, but he was nowhere to be found in the shop. I grabbed Sev's arm again and he followed closely behind Rose back outside into the snow. Scorpius met us, coming out of Honeydukes with a parcel of his own.

Then I remembered Sev saying something about Rose's dad not approving of their friendship. Ron Weasley also worked at the shop on occasion, I guess Scorpius never went inside. That was terrible, he had every right to go into the store. Even if I wanted to rage about how unjust it was, I kept my mouth shut and my hand in Sev's. It was too early in our friendship for me to rock the boat.

The group of us went all over Hogsmeade until I felt like my fingers were going to freeze off. We ended the day with The Three Broomsticks and I saw Stef sitting in the corner. He saw me at about the same time and caught me when I flung myself into his arms.

"Baby sis, it's good to see ya!" he said, hugging me fiercely.

"Baby E!" Freddy said, hugging me after Stef let me go. "Heard your party was wicked! Way to go!"

"Is that my baby brother hanging out with Baby E?!" James shouted after he hugged me. "Way to go, Albus!"

Sev's face was a brilliant red color as he shoved his brother away. "Shut up."

"Hi, guys, what can I get you?" Alice asked, coming over to our table and perching on James' knee. He kissed the side of her neck and she cooed, "I'm supposed to be working, Jamie, stop it!"

"Four butter beers, please," Rose ordered, sitting down beside me with Scorpius close behind. "So, boys, what's up?"

Freddie started talking about how all three of them had been accepted into the Auror program and I freaked out. Stef talked about that all summer, raving about how badly he wanted to be accepted. He was worried his marks weren't good enough, but I always knew they were.

"Stefan Alexander! Were you going to tell me you got accepted?" I asked, looking at him with big eyes. "That's huge news!"

He punched Freddie's shoulder with a chuckle. "I was going to wait until you came home for Christmas to tell the whole family. I guess Weasley's big mouth ruined the surprise."

"I'm so proud of all of you!" I replied after I hugged Stef from across the table. "I knew you could do it if you actually focused for longer than two seconds."

"So, I want to hear more about this party. What'd you think, Albus?" James asked, looking at his little brother.

"Uh, it was fun?" It was more of a question than an answer.

"Fun? I feel like that's an insult to Ella. She worked really hard to put it together, little brother, you could be more grateful," James chided with a lopsided grin.

"Butter beers for the students!" Alice announced, floating frothy mugs to each of us before taking her spot beside James in the booth.

We all said our thanks and drank happily. I missed butter beer when I was gone for the holidays, muggles didn't even know it existed and I sucked at trying to make it on my own. Stef wasn't big on it, which meant he didn't like to Apparate with me to Diagon Alley to get a pint during the hols.

"I didn't really stay that long at the party," Sev explained after everything calmed back down.

"Things got kind of messy and we ditched it." I swooped in and saved him before James could jump him for his answer. "From what I heard it was pretty great."

"It was amazing! Maybe even better than the ones last year…" Rose said, eyeing the boys haughtily. "I'm going to help her plan the next one, so it's DEFINITELY going to be better."

That was news to me, but I didn't let it show. "It's going to be total girl power center. Imagine what the two of us can come up with together. We're both basically geniuses."

We slapped palms and laughed, making the others join in a few seconds later. The group of us really hit it off, conversation flowing easily between all of us. By the time we left for the carriages, my cheeks and sides ached from laughter.

The group of us split ways when we got back to the castle. Rose and Scorpius went to dinner and left Sev and I together in the foyer. An awkward air surrounded us and I crossed my arms over my chest, kicking the ground with the toe of my boot. That was new, we weren't usually weird when we were alone together.

"Uhm, do you want to go to dinner?" he asked nervously.

"No, I'm still full from lunch," I replied just as nervously.

"I don't want this to sound too forward, but do you want to come back to the Heads' common with me?" he asked, the tips of his ears pink as usual. "Don't feel obligated, I just don't want today to end yet."

Admitting that was a big deal for him. He wasn't much for putting things out in the open like that, I knew that for sure. Before I could talk myself out of it, I moved forward and kissed his cheek before wrapping my arms around his middle.

"I don't either."

* * *

 **Hey, hey! Thanks for reading.**


	7. The Truth Comes Out

**This chapter is shorter than the others, and I'm sorry about it! It's also quite the plot twist, hope you're all prepared.**

* * *

Sev snuck me into the common room through the passage we took the night of the party. My hand was held firmly in his as we maneuvered through the dark together. Giddy excitement started in the pit of my stomach and worked its way up, it was like we were on a date or something.

We slipped out from behind a tapestry and were in the same warm room as the other night. A girl with buttery blonde hair twisted back in a braid and a pissed off expression sat on the couch, looking at the two of us in disgust. She had a book on her lap and parchment by her hand on the table.

"You're not supposed to have guest in the common room, Albus Severus," she said, making Sev flinch.

"She's not going to be in the common room, Fiona," he said shortly, pulling me into his room and leaving her slack-jawed on the couch. "Wow, okay, this wasn't my plan. I wasn't bringing you back here to have you in my bed. Unless that's what you wanted, but I'm not sure I can do that just yet. I mean…"

"Shush, it's okay," I said, covering his mouth with my hand playfully. "I liked that. It's good to know you've got some bite."

I shrugged off my jacket and hung it around his desk chair, watching as he took his off, too. I toed off my booties and sat cross-legged on his bed. He looked at me with raised brows before following me and sitting with his legs stretched out beside my body.

"So, what's up?" I giggled.

"Uh, my brother is the biggest prick in the world. I'm sorry if he said something that put you off today," he finally spoke, telling me what had been on his mind the entire day.

I felt my brows furrow in confusion. "What are you talking about? Your brother didn't say anything weird. That I can remember anyways…"

"Being all weird when we walked in and made a big deal out of it and stuff," he told me, looking at the knee of his khakis instead of at me.

"Oh! You mean James being happy that we're friends?" I asked in surprise. "I thought it was funny! Wouldn't you want your little brother to be friends with your best friend's little sister?"

"I totally took it out of proportion, didn't I? I'm such a loser."

"That's not true! You're not a loser, you're just thoughtful?" I tried to say, but it came out more as a question that a statement.

"That wasn't as definite as it could've been." He was smiling even though the words didn't match the action. "Thanks for trying to act like you don't know I have feelings for you to preserve my delicate psyche."

He was right, I did know he had a thing for me. The thing was I tried my best to not think about it because I was afraid it would make things weird. But now that he'd put it out into the great unknown, it was fair game.

"I didn't for sure, actually. Stef just said you had 'misguided affections for a certain brunette with a septum piercing,' that could've been a lot of people…" I told him.

"Oh, yeah, there are _tons_ of girls at Hogwarts with those attributes," he replied, tilting his head and looking at me with pursed lips. "Let's make a list, shall we? You… and now I'm coming up blank."

I pushed his shoulder and he grabbed my wrist, yanking me down on top of him. Instead of letting him make things awkward, I moved and put my knees on either side of his hips. His eyes were huge when I met them, making me laugh out loud.

"You're so funny, Potter!" I exclaimed.

His face was a giant tomato after my actions. He started spluttering and ran a hand through his hair repeatedly, making his glasses sit askew on his nose. That was NOT the reaction I thought I was going to get.

I moved off him and sat on my knees, waiting for him to sit up and talk. Something went wrong just now and I had no idea what it was.

"It's just, uhm, like, I haven't actually, uh, done anything like that," he stuttered, looking at the emerald duvet instead of my face. "Like sex or anything."

"So?" I was so confused by the turn of events.

"I mean, I'm sure you have and I don't want to-"

"Excuse me?" I asked looking at him with raised eyebrows and my mouth set in a line. "What's that supposed to mean? Do you just think I sleep with tons of guys or something?"

"No! That's not what I meant!" he shrieked. "I just heard some people saying stuff and I thought-"

"You thought you'd talk to me because apparently I sleep with everyone, right?" I asked, tears burning my throat. "I seriously thought you were different, but you're just like everyone else."

I grabbed my booties and my jacket before storming out of the room. My tears overflowed a couple seconds after I left the heads' common room and I let them. Even if I was supposed to be the carefree girl that was unattainable, I was also supposed to be the girl that let everyone sleep with her.

"Salazar," I said in a thick voice, going into the common room and rushing upstairs before anyone could look at me for too long.

The dorm was empty except for Austyn and Alexia who were sitting on Lex's bed working on parchments. When they looked up at me, that was abandoned and their arms opened for me. I dropped my booties and jacket before diving into them with a pathetic sob escaping my lips in the process.

"Oh my god, what happened? You were all smiles and giggles earlier!" Austyn exclaimed, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I'm so stupid!" I cried pathetically.

"Start from the beginning and tell us everything, love," Alexia said, rubbing my back as Austyn rubbed my legs.

"I hung out with Sev and his friends today at Hogsmeade and he invited me back to the heads' common room. He said he didn't want today to end and I totally fell for it!" I sobbed into the bed.

"What happened? Did he hurt you? Did he try to have sex with you? What happened?!" Alexia said quickly.

"He just talked to me because he thought I had sex with every guy in the freakin' castle!" I huffed. "That's obviously the only reason he wanted to talk to me and I thought he was different. I thought he was going to be the person who loved me for me, not for my body or because I'm the wild part girl with no worries. I have so much to worry about, I have so much shit that I told him all about and I regret. I let him see a part of me he didn't deserve to see and I can't take it back."

"What are you talking about? No one thinks that," Austyn consoled. "It was just him being an ass, just like every guy. None of them are any different, they all want sex because that's how their brains are hardwired."

"Sev wasn't supposed to be like that! He was supposed to be sweet and thoughtful and caring, but he's not. He only came to the party and talked to me and took me back to his common room and had me talk about my past to gain my trust. I was stupid and fell for it," I whined through my thick tears.

Alexia pulled me to her chest and rocked me as Austyn boiled water with her wand for tea. I tried to catch my breath, but it was so much harder than it should've been. I was so ridiculous, telling the first boy that took an actual interest in me my entire tragic backstory at the drop of a hat.

"You're not stupid, El. Sev's stupid for mucking up his chances with you," Lexi said, pulling my hair back and plaiting it quickly to keep it out of my face. "You're gorgeous, so out of that boring little bookworm's league."

They spent the next two hours with me, listening to my mindless ramblings and swearing up and down I wasn't stupid. I decided then and there I was going to come completely clean to them and share my past.

"Guys, I haven't been completely honest with you about everything," I said, sitting up on my own for the first time and wiping my face.

"What are you talking about, lovey?" Austyn coddled.

I took a breath and told them all about my dad. I didn't pause in the story or cry like I figured I would. Hell, I was probably cried out from earlier. The more I spoke, the easier it got until it was just flowing out of me easily.

"So Sev heard daddy issues and immediately figured the rumors about me were true," I finished, chewing my bottom lip nervously.

"Ella! Why did you never tell us?" Alexia asked, wiping her tears away. "We could've helped you and been there for you."

"Yeah, we're you're best friends. There aren't supposed to be any secrets," Austyn agreed.

"I'm sorry! It's just so much to handle, I didn't want to bother you with it," I told them honestly. "I have anxiety, but neither of you ever asked where it came from or anything. I just figured you didn't want to know."

"We didn't want to ask and make things worse. You have a tendency to go over the edge with your temper when someone asks too many questions," Alexia said delicately. "Not that that's a bad thing, it just makes things difficult sometimes."

"Have you ever thought about talking to someone, like a professional or something?"

"No, it's too embarrassing!" I hissed, my cheeks getting hot at the idea.

"No, it's practical and would be so helpful," Lexi pushed, not happy with my answer.

"I used to take medication for it when I was younger but thinking and doing daily stuff was too hard. It bogged my mind down and made me slow and dull," I replied.

"Well, we're going to go to Madame Pomfrey tomorrow and ask about it. She'll recommend a healer and we'll all three go. You're not alone anymore, Ellie," Austyn promised, wrapping her arms around me.

"No, you're not," Alexia agreed, hugging me from the other direction.

I was so dim to think my best friends didn't care about me. Talking to them should've been the first thing I did instead of falling into the arms of the first boy who took an interest in why I was so messed up.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**


	8. Is this still awkward?

**Hey! Thanks for being so great and allowing me to update so sporadically! It's so wonderful!**

* * *

Sunday was a day full of reflections. Alexia, Austyn, and I camped out in the corner of the common room and dissected last night. We were beside one of the windows below the Black Lake and a flash of brightly colored gills passed by every ten or so minutes. The merfolk must've been feeling playful today or something.

"Okay, bear with me, but it kind of sounds like he's a nervous virgin or something. Maybe you blew things out of proportion or something…? Please don't shout at me, it's just a suggestion," Alexia said timidly.

The thought had crept into my mind a few times, but I refused to believe it. If it was true, I was a mega-bitch to the poor kid and he didn't deserve it. He told me he had a crush on me and then I went crazy. Merlin's beard, I was a total bitch.

"You're right, I'm a bitch. I have to go apologize to him and make this right," I sighed, standing up and slipping my shoes on. "I'll be back later, I have to go make amends."

Sev Potter was nothing if not a creature of habit. I found him easily in his corner of the library with Scorpius and Rose sitting with him. They were talking in hushed whispers until Rose saw me and immediately fell silent. Oh, they were very obviously talking about me. That's good, that's great.

I cleared my throat and the other two turned around to look at me. Sev's face was a carefully constructed mask of disinterest and it made my insides twist painfully. I totally deserved it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"We're going to go… _somewhere_ that isn't here," Rose announced, grabbing Scorpius' wrist and yanking him away from the table.

The two of them were probably waiting somewhere else in the library for me to leave so they could pounce on Sev. That's what Alexia and Austyn would've done if the roles were reversed. I just assumed his best friends were the same as mine.

"Hi," I said lamely. "Can I sit?"

He gestured to the seat Rose just abandoned. I sat down and tapped my fingers awkwardly on the table-top. This was almost painful, it was my fault and I didn't know how to fix things.

"So, it's a possibility that I blew things out of proportion last night…" I finally spoke, avoiding his eyes. "I'm really trying, I just don't know what to do. I'm not good with people or romance or relationships or romantic relationships with people."

"You should've stayed and let me explain myself instead of running away like that. It wasn't very nice," he told me, studying the wood of the desk under his hands. "I made myself really vulnerable and regret it."

Ouch, that was painful.

"I'm so sorry, I understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again. I just didn't want you to think I was still angry or hated you or whatever," I sighed, bridging my fingers and staring at the chipping burgundy nail polish on them.

"You have a gift, you know? You're so good at making people fall at your feet," he told me, suddenly angry. "You're manipulating me right now and you're not even aware of it."

"I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just don't want you to be angry with me anymore," I replied, pushing down the immediate pulse of anger that his words caused. "I came here to make my piece and I tried my best. I can't do anything else so I'm just going to go. You can do whatever you want, the ball's in your court."

I pushed up from the table and smiled tightly at him before turning on my heel. I left the library in a huff, my arms crossed over my chest. I was almost to the Slytherin common room when I heard rapid footsteps approaching me from behind.

"Can we just forget that this ever happened? I really like you and want to be around you, I'm sorry last night spiraled so out of control and I made you upset just now," Sev told me in a rush, his hand clutching mine.

I took his face in my hands and stood on my tiptoes to look him straight in the eyes. "You're such a dork!"

Before he could argue with me like I knew he would, I pressed our mouths together for the first time. My eyes were closed, but I knew his were wide open in shock. Slowly, he held my waist in his hands and clumsily kissed me back. Finally, after more than a couple failed trials, our mouths moved together in sync.

When we pulled away, both of us were breathless with our eyelids fluttering open simultaneously. His pupils were dilated when he reached up to rub his thumb over my cheekbone. He seemed at a loss for words as he just _gazed_ at me in adoration.

"Wow."

I laughed and laid my head against his shoulder, biting my bottom lip. His hands were still resting on my waist and making my heat beat like crazy. Sev Potter being undone was one of my favorite things, I'm sure I've already said that before, but it was worth repeating.

Instead of saying that, I pushed my fingers into his hair. As soon as I touched it, whatever spell was holding it in place vanished and it flared into place. The curls were wild like at breakfast yesterday and it made me smile.

"I love your hair, it's so crazy," I told him quietly. "It's the only thing about you that isn't perfect all the time."

I pulled back to look at his face and saw his cheeks dusting pink along with the tips of his ears. "I'm not perfect, Ana."

"Why do you call me that?" I asked, still messing with his hair.

"Morgana Eleanor, everyone calls you Ella, but I wanted a nickname of my own," he told me, his cheeks turning even redder. "Can we just forget I'm a total stalker and made up your own nickname in my head just in case we actually became friends?"

This time I laughed out loud, holding his face in my hands. "You're literally the cutest boy in the entire world."

* * *

"You kissed him? Multiple times? In the hallway?" Austyn shrieked after I came back to the dorm.

"Yes, yes, and yes," I answered, ticking off the questions on my fingers as I went.

"Merlin's beard, Ella! How was it? Is he a good kisser?" Alexia asked, rushing over to my bed and grasping my hands in hers.

"It was so sweet and awkward, then it was really, really good!" I told them, fiddling with my septum ring as I talked. "I think I really like him, it's kind of scary and exhilarating at the same time."

"Is this the first guy you've ever had serious feelings for?" Austyn asked, twisting my hair around her finger.

"Is it bad if I say yes even though I had sex with Brynn?" I asked nervously, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Now that you're with Sev, do you regret giving your virginity to B?" Alexia asked delicately.

"Not at all, I'm just afraid it's going to be a problem with Sev when he finds out what actually happened. I think he knows I'm not a virgin, but it's going to be bad when I tell him it was with one of my best friends with no strings attached only for him to get attached and develop feelings for me," I sighed, flopping backward onto my bed dramatically.

"I honestly don't think he's going to care as long as you explain everything to him. You don't think virginity is a legitimate thing and you just wanted to do it with someone you cared about to get it over with," Alexia soothed. "Don't make it all up in your head, you have a tendency to do that sometimes –like last night."

She was right, I had a tendency to make things worse than they were out of fear. "Yeah, I know you're right. Speaking of that, I need to go find Brynn and make things right between us. He is one of my best friends and I don't want this to ruin us."

"You know he's out on the Pitch, it's where he goes to work off stress," Austyn told us. "He was pretty torn up yesterday when you shot him down."

"I didn't shoot him down! I just told him I didn't feel for him what he felt for me," I argued. "I thought he always knew there weren't any feelings between us."

I put on my jacket and headed out to the Pitch. Just like Austyn said, I could just make out Brynn flying up in the clouds on his broom. He wasn't playing as much as he was just flying quickly and tossing Quaffles at the hoops. By the sixth hit, I was on the grass waiting for him to notice me and come down where I was.

"Hi, stranger," I said timidly, waving at him dorkily.

"What's up?" he asked, pushing his hair back and holding it there with his goggles.

There was an awkward tinge around us as we stood in silence. "I hate this! We had sex, but that doesn't mean it has to change us. I love you, but I'm not in love with you and I'm sorry if I made you think I was."

"No, you never did. I just kind of hoped you'd fall in love with me if we spent enough time together," he explained to me. "You're just so cool and gorgeous and laidback, it's impossible to not be in love with you."

He was the second person to tell me that, but I still didn't see it. I was just a kid with more daddy, trust, and commitment issues than anyone ever needed. I was no prize, I still didn't understand why I was so sought after honestly.

"I understand that you need space from me to figure out what our relationship is," I told him, beating around the bush not really an option now. "I just wanted to see if you were okay and things were okay between us, but I guess that was stupid and naïve of me."

"We're okay, El. Don't worry about anything, I'm happy you're happy with Sev," he told me, no menace in his voice at all. "I just want you to be happy."

Damnit, he actually was in love with me. If he wanted my happiness over everything, that was the biggest hint to it. I sighed and hugged him, feeling him tense under me before patting my back awkwardly.

"Too soon?" I asked, against his shoulder.

He laughed jerkily and replied, "Maybe just a little."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**


	9. Revelations

**You can thank the Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family for this chapter, it kind of renewed my love for HP and the fandom. Not that it ever went away, it just sort of went on a vacation. Anyway, enough ranting -here's the new chapter!**

* * *

"I want you to come home with me over the holiday," Sev said as we lay together on one of the couches in the Slytherin common room. "I want you to meet my parents."

I was leaning back against the arm of the couch with a pillow under my head and he was laying back against my chest. This was my absolute favorite way to lay with him, mostly because I loved his hair so much and in this position I reach it easily.

"I've already met your parents, love," I replied, twisting my fingers in his hair without opening my eyes. "Multiple times."

"Yeah, as Stef's little sister and James' mate. I want them to meet you as _my_ girlfriend," he replied, kissing the inside of my wrist lazily. "If you want to, I mean, I don't want to push you into anything."

Sev and I have been together for over a month now. Things were so good between us; he made my insides fluttery all the time. Even though I tried to fight it, there was a dark shadow in the back of my mind constantly -the thought of him walking away and finding someone better. I hadn't voiced it to him exactly, but I'm almost positive he knew what I was thinking –he usually did.

"I'd do anything for you, you know that," I replied, kissing his mess of curls. "I'm just nervous…"

That made him stir in my embrace and sit up so he could look at me. My bottom lip was between my teeth and my eyebrows were furrowed. I wasn't lying when I said I was nervous, I really cared about Sev and wanted his parents to approve of me as his girlfriend.

"Why're you nervous? Mum and dad adore you and so do James and Lily," Sev told me, pulling my bottom lip from my teeth with his thumb and grazing it absentmindedly.

I sighed and tucked my head under his chin, allowing him to hold _me_ close this time. "I'm just afraid they're not going to approve and you're going to leave."

My voice was so small and hollow it embarrassed me. If it wasn't Sev, I probably would've thrown up my wall and stormed off. He understood me more than anyone ever had in my life and deserved more than that. Even when I was difficult for dumb reasons, he was patient and worked through it with me until I was okay again.

He took both sides of my face in his hands and forced me to hold his gaze when he finally spoke. "I am not going to leave you, I swear it on everything in me. I want you all the time for as long as you want me, probably longer."

I pushed forward and connected our lips, maneuvering myself onto his lap to get closer to him. Just like always, his hands stuttered for a couple seconds as he tried to figure out where to put them to remain respectful. I just focused on kissing him and let him figure out his hand placement on his own.

I was kissing his neck and tugging his unruly mane of hair playfully when I heard someone clear their throat behind us. Austyn and Alexia must be here from Hogsmeade. We were going to have a film night in the Room of Requirement with Sev, Scorpius, and Rose tonight. I guess things were set up and the two of us were missing, I lost track of time way too easily when I was with Sev.

"We're coming, we're coming!" I sighed, pulling back from Sev and fixing his glasses that I'd knocked sideways in my haste. "Come on, love. We've got to go be social with our friends."

He just nodded and looked at me with the same amazed expression he always had when we kissed. I absolutely _lived_ for that look. It was everything I ever wanted in a relationship. Everything I never knew was possible before Albus Severus Potter.

His fingers were laced with mine as we followed Alexia and Austyn down the corridor. Lexi kept looking back at me with a huge, contagious smile that pulled at my own lips. She was so supportive of Sev and me it was almost embarrassing. Austyn was still upset over how I treated Brynn, but I think that was because she fancied him a bit. I just wasn't sure enough to voice it out loud to anyone other than Sev who didn't really know either of them or care about their romantic feelings.

The Room looked so comfy, the girls nailed it! Scorpius and Rose were sitting on pillows near each other, but they weren't exactly touching yet. I'm sure by the time the night ended, they'd be cuddled up. It was only a matter of time before the two of them got over everything standing in their way and got together. I knew better than to pry, they were the kind of people that only did what they wanted when they wanted.

Sev sat down in one of the big bean bags and pulled me onto his lap, getting us both comfortable. I just grinned and kissed his jaw before looking at the screen with the film playing on it. I'd seen if before in at the cinema with a couple muggle friends last summer, but I didn't want to ruin the night.

"So do you want to come home with me for a few days during the break?" he asked again in a whisper, trying to not disturb the others.

"Yes, I'd do anything for you," I repeated with a grin, kissing his cheek a couple times. "I just hope they approve of us as much as James."

He kissed above my ear before settling back to watch the movie. This was nice, I liked that all my friends got on with each other. I glanced over at Rose and Scorpius and saw his hand resting on top of hers with his fingers in between. That was exactly what I thought would happen, it was good to know I was right. When you were loved up and happy, you wanted everyone else to be the same.

* * *

"These exams have killed me. I am a shell of a human being now," I sighed, flopping back onto the couch after Alexia, Austyn, and I got back from taking our final exam. "I can't believe they're over. I thought they would drag on FOREVER."

"Are you kidding me? They DID last forever!" Austyn cried, moving my legs and sitting underneath them. "If I never hear 'expand on the idea' again in my life, it'll be too soon."

"Uhm, can I join in?" Brynn's quiet voice asked, making all three of us look over to the door where he was standing. "I miss you guys."

Brynn and I haven't talked since that day on the Pitch. I didn't want to push or pry, I wanted him to deal with things on his own and come to terms with them. Even with that being said, guilt settled in the pit of my stomach like a stone.

"Hey," I said awkwardly.

Austyn jumped up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, flipping me to the floor in the process. I groaned when my elbow hit the table and my hip hit the cobblestone floor, bruises would probably be in those places tomorrow. Alexia grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch, sitting beside me and watching the other two hug each other.

"So, is this a good time to tell you I have a theory that Austyn is in love with Brynn?" I asked in a quiet voice, watching the two of them hug each other fiercely.

She nodded her head before looking at the two of them with big eyes. When they let go of each other and looked over at Alexia and I, both of their cheeks flushed. They each looked all around the room instead of at each other or us.

"We missed you, too. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't be around us anymore," I said reluctantly. "I still want you to be my best friend, if that's what you want."

"Yes! I want everything to be like it was before I ruined it," he replied, looking at me with hopeful eyes. "I'm so sorry I made things weird! It wasn't my intention, I swear, I just didn't want to lie to you anymore, any of you."

"Awkwardness forgotten," Alexia announced, pulling me to my feet and grabbing us all for a group hug. "We're all best mates again and the weirdness is over."

"So, what's up with you and Sev? Are you guys a couple now?" he asked after we'd situated ourselves around the common room together. "Don't be afraid to say anything, I'm good with it now."

I scoffed and threw a pillow at him, hitting him in the face. "Don't act like I'm so easy to get over! I'm a catch!"

"So you're going with him to meet his family, right?" Alexia asked, trying to find out information instead of watching our painfully awkward attempt at banter.

"Yeah, he said it'll be different coming home with him as his girlfriend instead of Stef's little sister or James' mate," I explained, tucking my knees underneath me and sitting on the couch. "I'm kind of nervous. Like, what am I going to do if they don't approve?"

"Bullocks!" Austyn cried, making the rest of us laugh. "He's head over heels for you, Merlin's beard! James loves that you're together so I'm sure his family will as well. Don't second guess everything, just do it and be happy."

"She's right, vulgar but right," Lexi sighed, wrapping draping her arm around my shoulder. "His parents are going to love you just like he does."

"I don't know if Sev _loves_ me. That's a really big word," I replied, chewing on my lip nervously. "Is that what this is? Going home with him because he loves me?"

My lungs started to constrict at the thought. Sev was in love with me, he was in love with me and I didn't know if I was in love with him. What if I couldn't love anyone because of my dad? What if I was physically incapable of ever loving someone romantically?

"Guys, what if I can't love someone romantically? What if I'm too messed up to ever feel that way because of my dad?" I asked, tears coloring my voice.

What if I'm damaged goods? No one wants damaged goods.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**


	10. Train Car Conversations

Austyn, Alexia, Brynn, Scorpius, Rose, Sev, and I all shared a car on the train ride to Kings Cross. Brynn and Scorp talked about Quidditch until I thought my brain was going to melt and run out my ears. Sev was sitting beside me with his hand resting on my thigh while he tried to make it seem like he was reading a book, but I knew he could tell something was up with me. The others were convinced he wasn't paying attention, but I could heel his eyes on me every once and while.

Before Sev I was able to keep my emotions a secret, keep them under wraps without anyone being the wiser. He could tell something was wrong if my lips turned down a centimeter more than usual. It was endearing most times, but right now it was just frustrating.

"I have to go do some heads' duties, do you want to come with?" he asked, brushing my hair over my shoulder and kissing my jaw sweetly.

That was his subtle way of asking me to come talk with him alone. Even if I didn't really want to do that, I could never tell Sev no. I stood up and allowed him to take my hand in his, leading me out of the car with our friends hooting salaciously behind us. My face was heating up and I could just see the tips of Sev's ears turning pink as I closed the car door behind me. They probably thought we were going to go somewhere and hookup.

A couple of first years saw Sev and me and scattered out of the car, giving us our privacy without being asked. He waited for me to sit down before taking the bench across from me. We were both stiff and awkward and it made my insides knot up uncomfortably and my throat constrict uncomfortably.

"What's up?" he finally asked, breaking the stiff tension crackling between us in the car.

I struggled for the words to say, but I came up blank. How did I put my fear of being too broken to ever love someone into words that Sev would understand? I was almost positive he'd never been afraid of something like that. I didn't know many people that had honestly.

"Nothing, I'm just nervous to meet your parents," I lied, hoping he couldn't see through that as easily as he'd seen through my mood earlier.

"You're lying to me, don't do that," he replied shortly. "What's wrong? I want honesty this time."

"You're in love with me," I sighed and decided to tell him the truth, even if it was harsh. "You're in love with me and I'm not in love with you."

His face fell so quickly I wanted to be sick. "So this is a breakup talk?"

"No! No, I don't want to break up with you!" I shrieked, moving to crouch in front of him with his hands clutched in mine. "It's me, I'm the one that's messed up in this situation. It's not you at all, you're so good and perfect and I'm not even close."

"There's more to this, you're just giving me the pretty parts. I want all of it," he replied, shrugging off my words and my grip on his hands.

His brash movements seared straight to my heart, but I kept my face blank. I deserved all that and more, I'd made him feel like I wasn't in love with him. I would've done the same thing if our roles were switched.

"Sev, you're going to argue with me about it, but there's no way to change the way things are. It's not a matter of opinion or something I made up, it's a fact," I told him, standing up and pacing the small space the train car provided. "You are so good and the closest thing to holy I've ever experienced, but I'm going to ruin that. I don't think I can love you like you love me, I don't think I can ever love anyone. I don't even know HOW to love someone like that. You deserve someone who has their shit together and can give you what you want, but I'm afraid it's not going to be me."

I ran my fingers through my hair anxiously as tears burned my eyes. I thought telling him about my dad was going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but this definitely took the cake. I've never been this exposed to another person in my life, I was raw and completely vulnerable in a way that absolutely terrified me.

He didn't respond at first, he just sat on the bench staring at me. That exposure I felt when I was talking was dialed up to ten right now. Everything in me was telling me to run, but I couldn't do that to Sev.

"You do love me, you love me and I can see it. If this were anyone else, you would have already been out that door," he said, standing up and moving to stand in front of me. "I see it when you do something and the shock on your face is almost a living, breathing thing. When you share something with me that you've never shared with anyone else, that smile on your face because you've let your wall down for me. That's loving someone, making yourself vulnerable to another person even if you're scared. You love me, Ana."

"How are you so sure when I'm not?" I asked in a shaky voice, tears coursing down my face without my full permission. "Why are you so sure of me when I've done nothing but push you away?"

"Because I love you! That's what loving someone does to you," he argued, taking my face in his hands. "I would do anything for you, Ana, even if that means proving to you that you're not broken no matter how much you want to believe it."

When I looked up at him, I saw a couple tears of his own had escaped as he begged me to believe him. The thought of making him sad or upset made the knots in my stomach get even more tightly wound.

"Sev, this is too hard. It shouldn't be this hard," I whimpered, all my strength slowly evaporating and my shoulders to sag in defeat.

"Nothing worth having is ever easy, Ella," he argued, pressing his forehead against mine so I had no other choice than to look at his eyes. "I've read a lot of books and scriptures and parchments on the subject, and you're the holiest thing I've ever experienced. You make me crazy, you're so intense and passionate and you make me the same way. I've never been out of control before because I've been too scared, but you make it okay."

He pulled my mouth to his and kissed me fiercely. I'd never been kissed like that before, never with so much intensity and passion. I didn't realize we were moving backward until my knees hit the bench and gave out, making me fall to my butt. I grabbed his collar and pulled him down with me, laying us both out on the bench before he could shift back into his caring, gentle self.

His hands were knotted in my hair, his mouth moving desperately and roughly against mine. I'd never thought Sev Potter would be one to be rough with me, but here we were. I grabbed the bottom of his sweater and tore it over his head before reconnecting our lips. His fingers traced the line of skin exposed by my raised shirt but didn't take it off just yet.

I pushed on his chest until he sat up enough for me to shrug off my flannel and pull my t-shirt off myself. His eyes were huge and his pupils were dilated, staring at me like I was something holy. I pulled him back down to me and kept kissing him as I unbuttoned his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. My hands moved lightly over his skin, tracing patterns on his back and around his shoulder blades. When I pulled back to gasp for breath, I saw that each of his shoulders had a spattering of freckles and it made a smile tug at my lips before he reinitiated our kiss.

His fingers touched my stomach so delicately it was like he was afraid I'd break. It was such a harsh contrast to the way his mouth was moving against mine it made heat gather in the bottom of my belly. I hooked one of my legs around his waist and arched my back to get closer to him, making him groan.

"This is great but not the way to lose your virginity. We need to stop," I breathed out, breaking our kiss only for him to trail his lips down my neck instead. "Sev, that feels so good. God."

He groaned again, but this one was in frustration instead of pleasure. "You're right, but I really don't want to stop."

He moved off me and picked up my shirts from the floor of the car. He held it out and helped me put it back on, kissing the tip of my nose after he pulled the t-shirt over my head. I buttoned up his shirt and kissed his collarbone before helping him pull on his sweater.

"Your hair is gone," I laughed after I'd tried to flatten it to no avail. "There's no order to it anymore."

He reached forward and straightened my septum, an oddly intimate gesture. I don't think anyone has ever touched it other than me.

"We'd better head back before they come searching for us," he sighed, standing up and pulling me to my feet with him. "But before we go, I need you to tell me how you're feeling about us. I don't want you to get stuck inside your head again."

"I've never felt like this before, the way you make me feel," I told him. "I don't know if it's love or what it is, but I really want to find out with you."

He pulled me to his chest and wrapped me up tight in his arms. I held his waist just as tight, laying my head against his chest. His hand held the back of my head, massaging it soothingly and making the tension in my spine lessen tremendously.

* * *

The train stopped at Kings Cross and my palms started to sweat while my stomach tensed up nervously. I'd never met a boys' parents before and I was beyond nervous, even if I'd already met Ginny and Harry Potter.

Sev's hand found mine and laced our fingers together. We grabbed our bags and departed the train, looking for his parents at the station. Sev saw them before I did and led the way over to them, his face an almost blinding grin that made my heart pound against my ribs.

"Mum, dad!" he cried, hugging the two of them at the same time. When he pulled away, he grabbed my hand again and pulled me forward. "Mum, dad, this is Ella, my girlfriend."

"Ella, it's wonderful to see you again!" Harry said, hugging me and making me feel a million times more comfortable than I was before.

I looked at Ginny and felt my stomach plummet to my feet. She'd always been lovely to me, but her face was heavy with displeasure now. She hugged me, but it was stiff and awkward and basically the embodiment of disapproval.

"It's good to see you, Morgana." Wow, this was going just as badly as I'd feared it would. Awesome.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys!**


	11. Meet the Family

I hoped Ginny's disposition at the train station was just a fluke, but that hope was slowly dissipating as we drove to their house. I was pressed between Sev and Lily in the backseat with both my hands clutching one of his in my lap. It was only a matter of time until he realized something was up with me if he hadn't already figured it out. Stupid brilliant boy.

My top didn't reach the waistband of my jeans and I was conscious of every inch of exposed skin. I was also aware of every place Sev's hand were when we were in that train car; I was afraid Ginny could see what happened. Kind of like a flashing sign on my forehead "I HOOKED UP WITH YOUR SON IN A TRAIN CAR!" I mean, it would make sense for why she seemed to hate me now.

"Everyone's going to mum's for dinner tonight," Mrs. Potter announced during a lull in conversation. "Morgana, you should change beforehand."

Without thinking I winced and pulled my hands away from Sev's. My instant reaction was to fold in on myself and put up my wall. "Yes, of course, Mrs. Potter."

We got to their home on Grimwauld Place soon after and I was told I was sharing a room with Lily, like I didn't already know. She and I would just share her bed so Mr. and Mrs. Potter didn't have to worry about finding me a place to sleep. Something told me Ginny wouldn't be too against making me sleep on the floor…

"I'm glad you're finally with Sev. He's fancied you for ages! He always asked James about you," Lily told me the second she closed her door. "You guys are so cute together!"

A flicker of warmth lit up my stomach, but it didn't do much more than that. Ginny was really inside my head, man. I was only staying for the week before heading home with my family so I didn't unpack my things, I would just live out of suitcase.

"Lil? Ana? Can I come in?" Sev asked, knocking on the door.

Lily opened it and stepped out, allowing us to have some privacy. The door was cracked just a tiny bit, but it was open enough to count. I was sitting on the edge of Lily's bed when Sev walked over, sitting down beside me.

"What's up?" he asked, twisting my hair around his fingers absentmindedly. "Before you lie, I know something's wrong."

"Your mum hates me! She absolutely thinks I'm the biggest slag in all of the United Kingdom!" I exploded, looking up at him. "Everything I was afraid of is happening, she thinks her baby boy can do so much better than me and she's right."

"Whoa, calm down, love," he coaxed, tucking some of my hair behind my ear affectionately. "Slow down and tell me what you're thinking."

"The second you told her I was your girlfriend, her entire demeanor changed. I was fine when I was just the wild child James hung out with at school," I told him slowly. "Now, I'm just the girl with the nose ring and the missing daddy who's going to corrupt her precious, darling son. It's a totally different ball game."

"You are absolutely _mad_ , Ana," he told me, leaning forward and kissing my nose. "She's just anxious, I've never brought a girl home before. She's my mum, she wants the best for me. It's going to be the same way when I meet yours."

Maybe he was right, it probably wasn't easy to meet your kid's significant other. "I hate it that you're always right."

I kissed his lips chastely before standing up and shrugging off my flannel. "Ella, are you about to take your clothes off with me in the room? Do you want my mum to hate you?"

I just rolled my eyes and pulled him to his feet, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head against his chest. He held me close and kissed the crown of my head, rubbing the back of my arms soothingly. The door pushed open and I glanced over, Ginny was standing there with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and a disappointed pout on her lips.

"This door is to be open at all times. Don't make me repeat myself," she instructed harshly. "We're leaving for the Burrow in twenty minutes, please get ready."

I stepped out of Sev's embrace and went to search my suitcase for a respectable outfit. When the door closed, I let out a ragged breath I didn't know I was holding. I pulled on a sweater and flipped my septum up into my nose so it couldn't be seen.

"I have a perfect scarf for that!" Lily cheered, searching her closet and coming out with a blanket scarf for me. "Here, let me tie it for you!"

I stood still and waited for her to be finished, figuring it was easier that way. Lily-Luna Potter was one of the best dressers at Hogwarts. She wasn't necessarily my style icon, but I would play her Barbie doll today. I'm sure Ginny would love a girl that dressed like Lily to be her son's boyfriend, she did buy Lily's clothes after all.

"Mum's impossible," she told me as she twisted and tied. "The only reason she likes Alice so much is because she and Neville are best friends. I don't even bring home boyfriends anymore, it's not worth the pressure. I tried to tell Sev that, but he insisted mum would still adore you as his girlfriend instead of James' best friend's little sister. The rest of us love you, dad included."

We walked out into the living room and James wrapped me up in a hug, lifting me off the floor and spinning me around. I laughed happily and hugged him back, choosing to ride it out instead of fight to get down. James and I have been friends for a while, I knew how things went with him.

"Have I told you that I'm happy you're Sevy's girlfriend? Because I'm very happy," he told me after he sat me back on my feet. Then he ruffled Sev's hair and said, "Way to go little brother!"

Sev wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me possessively to his side. I grinned and held his waist, kissing the side of his jaw affectionately. I heard Ginny sigh, but she didn't reprimand us out loud. I guess that meant we were allowed to touch each other in front of her. Noted.

I tried to not stutter when I used the Floo system, but it was hard with Ginny's intense gaze on me. Lily and James went first and I followed, thankful when I landed at the Burrow. I stepped out and Sev appeared a few seconds later, taking my hand in his securely. I was grateful he knew me so well, I would be having a total meltdown without his constant reassurance.

"Let's go find Grandma Molly," he told me, kissing my temple through my hair.

He tried to lead me through the house, but George stood up from the couch and made his way over to us. "Ella! It's wonderful to see you!"

We slapped palms before he pulled me into a hug. "Yeah, it's only the smallest bit nerve-wracking to be here. It's nice to see you again though, a familiar face is always appreciated."

"We're a pretty good lot, especially after all the good things we've heard about you. You're going to fit right in," he promised, squeezing my shoulder before punching Sev and heading back into the kitchen.

"Look at that, you've already made a friend," Sev told me teasingly, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and kissing above my ear. "You're amazing and they know that. I just wish you would've came here as Ella instead of Morgana."

He meant the scarf, my hidden septum, and the way Lily styled my hair. None of them looked like me and he was right, they weren't me. The scarf was heavy, hot, and itchy. My septum was tickling the inside of my nose. And the barrettes in my hair were pulling it and digging into my scalp.

"Is this the famous Ella every one of my grandchildren talk about?"

A plump woman in an apron walked into the living room with us. She had a mountain of laugh lines on her face and a huge smile making her eyes shine. Everything about her told me she was a grandmother. She had to be Grandma Molly.

"Gram, this is my girlfriend, Ella," Sev said, releasing my waist and moving to stand beside me. "El, this is my Grandma Molly."

Before I could say anything, she pulled me into a bonecrushing hug and fussed about how skinny I was in one breath. As soon as she stepped back, she took my hand and led me into the kitchen –all the time tutting about feeding me. Sev winked as he watched it all occur, a jovial smile tugging at his lips.

"I've made some buns over on the counter. Help yourself if you can squeeze past Teddy and Ronald," she instructed, pointing to a tall man with blue hair and a balding red haired man. "Boys, share with Ella!"

They jumped and moved back, Ron with one bun hanging from his mouth and Teddy with a couple in his hands. I smiled and reached forward, taking a bun of my own to please Molly. I wasn't really hungry, my stomach was in knots and I was too anxious to stomach anything.

"So, you're the Ella everyone talks about. The one that helped James and Freddie pull off their greatest achievement," Teddy mused, leaning back against the counter and looking at me as he pulled about the flaky pastry.

"We've accomplished quite a lot together. I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific," I grinned, my wall slowly coming down.

"I believe even I've heard of this one," Ron smiled, biting into one of the buns. "Is it the one with the house confetti that made noises? The ones that erupted during the welcome feast after the first years were Sorted?"

The three of us planned an amazing last hurrah for James, Stef, and Freddie's last welcome feast. I charmed all the center pieces at the tables to explode as soon as the food appeared with confetti of their house mascot. Our combined evil scientist brains decided they should also make their appropriate noises, the lions roared and the birds cawed and the snakes hissed and the badgers snorted. It was so cool, even Professor McGonagall smiled.

"That would be the one. Baby E has a gift for charms," Freddie said, coming up behind me and tossing an arm around my shoulders. "I don't even remember how the lot of us did pranks without her."

Maybe I could do this. Sev's mum hated me, but it seemed like the rest of his family liked me. It wasn't mandatory for his mum to like me, right?

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**


	12. The Boiling Point

**Everything comes to a head in this chapter, but it's not all serious. I actually had a lot of fun writing most of it, at least until things got serious and kind of sad.**

 **Also, I do not condone sex-shaming in any way nor do I think Ginny would perpetrate that. It's just the direction the story took and I went with it.**

* * *

Two days passed since dinner at the Burrow and things were relatively normal. Ginny, Harry, and James went to work while Lily, Sev, and I stayed at their place. Sev and were in his room, him working on break assignment and me watching him. He was so attractive and it was even more intense when he was concentrating.

"I can feel your eyes on me, Ana," he grinned, glancing up at me through his fringe.

"You're really nice to look at. What do you expect?" I replied, pushing to sit on my knees and crawling over to him. I weaved my fingers through his hair and kissed his temple. "You've been working on this parchment all day. Why don't we do something else?"

I trailed my lips down the side of his jaw and sucked on his pulse point, making him shiver. Then I moved away from him enough to pull the parchment off his lap, placing myself there instead. He looked up at me with big eyes, his pupils dilated and his bottom lip between his teeth. He placed his hands on my waist and rubbed his thumbs over my hipbones through my t-shirt.

I placed my elbows on his shoulders with my hands twirling locks of his hair through my fingers. The last thing I expected was for him to lean forward and connect our lips. He took the lead this time, moving his lips and me following his lead. He pulled me close so there wasn't an inch of space between our upper bodies anymore.

He'd gone to the eye doctor and got contacts so his glasses weren't inferring with how we kissed. His newfound confidence was so sexy, I just wanted to stay like this with him forever. His kisses were sweet and gentle, everything I never knew I wanted until I got with Sev. I don't think I've ever felt as safe anywhere as I do in his embrace, not even at Hogwarts.

We disconnected our lips to catch our breath and I pulled back enough to take of my shirt. Sev's breathing became labored as he struggled to keep his eyes on mine instead of letting them wander my newly exposed skin.

"I wouldn't have taken it off if I didn't want you to look at me," I whispered, leaning forward and kissing the corner of his mouth. "So, look at me, Albus."

He let out a shaky breath and allowed himself to look down at my shirtless body. I was just wearing a regular bra, but he was looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. His hands moved from my waist and reached out to touch me, but his finger hovered over my stomach.

"You can touch me, too, dork," I replied, leaning in to kiss him again as his fingers timidly traced over my skin.

A shiver coursed through me when he kissed my collarbone, making me suck my lip into my mouth. I dug my nails into his shoulder, only slightly hampered by the material of his sweater. He removed his mouth from my skin and a whine left my lips without my consent, making my face heat up.

"You're so cute," he complimented, kissing the tip of my nose.

Then he leaned back enough to pull his sweater over his head, static making his hair stick out at odd angles. I tried to smooth it back down to no avail, making the two of us laugh. He had on a white t-shirt underneath it that he pulled off as well, looking down instead of holding my eyes.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck lazily and twirling his hair through my fingers again.

"I'm not much to look at and you're so beautiful…" he trailed off, still not looking at me fully. "I don't want you to be disappointed."

"Nothing you ever do will disappoint me, Albus Severus," I swore, lifting his chin so he had to hold my gaze. "Nothing."

His shoulders lost their tension and he pulled me back to him, reconnecting our lips. The kisses were different this time, more intense and less gentle. I pushed him backward and maneuvered my knees on either side of his hips, leaning down to kiss his neck and collarbone. His grip got tighter with every kiss I left on his skin.

"Ella," he hissed, throwing his head back when I sucked over his collarbone again. "God, you're driving me mad."

His confession made warmth pool in the bottom of my stomach and a pleasant heat course through my body. I needed to be careful before I pushed things way too far with Sev, he'd already told me he wasn't ready to have sex and I was going to respect that.

I sat on his stomach and placed my hands on his chest, looking down at his face. His voice was deliciously rough when he asked, "Why'd you stop?"

"I just want to look at you. Is that okay?" I teased, trailing my fingertips down the center of his chest. "I mean it's only fair, you got to look at me, right?"

His face was brighter red than I've ever seen it and it stretched all the way to the tips of his ears. I noticed now that he was topless underneath me his neck and the top of his chest turned red as well when he got flustered; it was sweet.

He was slender with broad shoulders –apparently all the Potter men were built that way. I followed the line of them with my fingers before moving them down to his collarbone. He shivered under my fingers but let me do as I pleased with baited breath.

"You were wrong," I murmured a couple moments later after I'd touched all the bare skin of his torso. "You're quite a lot to look at, Sev."

I stood up and yanked off my shorts before going back to sitting on his stomach. Just when his eyes had gone back to their normal size, they grew large again. I had an idea and knew it was going to be pushing, but I trusted Sev to stop me if it was more than he wanted.

I kissed each part as I named them off.

"This scar on your shoulder."

 _Kiss._

"The freckles right here."

 _Kiss._

"The paleness of your belly."

 _Kiss._

"This little trail of hair…"

 _Kiss._

He cupped my jaw in his hand and pulled my mouth up to his, locking us in a heated kiss. He rolled us over and made me gasp, taking the opportunity to deepen our kiss. His own hands ventured to new territory: one of them actually gripped my thigh and the other fell to my bare side.

I wrapped that leg around his waist to get closer and tossed an arm around his shoulders to lift myself so our chests were pressed together. The feeling of his skin against mine was indescribable, especially when he started kissing my neck and moving his hand along the outside of my thigh. A quiet whimper escaped my lips and he echoed it with a moan of his own.

"Sev, what do you want for dinner, love?"

Ginny burst into the room and saw exactly what position we were in. There was no way to explain why I was just in my bra and knickers while Sev was just wearing his pants other than the obvious. Sev rolled off me quickly and pulled his duvet up over my body, always the gentlemen even with his mum barging in on us.

"What the hell are you two doing?" she shouted, placing her hands on her hips and glaring down at us. "There is only a couple rules and you're breaking all of them!"

"Mum, we're sorry!" Sev said, standing up and moving to pull his shirt back on before tossing me mine.

I pulled on the shirt and got up. I also realized there's no dignified way to put your shorts back on after you pick them up off your boyfriend's floor while his mother watches because she caught you making out sans said shorts. If people melted during embarrassment, I would already be seeping through the floorboards.

"We have to have a discussion," she seethed, anger coming off her in waves. "Downstairs. NOW!"

She turned curtly on her heel and stormed out of the room, leaving Sev and I to star after her. I pulled my hair up again in his mirror and thanked whoever was up there that we hadn't left any seeable marks on each other. That would've made things a thousand times worse for both of us.

He took my hand in his and twined our fingers together, kissing the top. "This is going to be bad, but it could've been a whole lot worse."

My embarrassment made words impossible so I just nodded and held his hand for dear life with both of mine. It was just Ginny at the table and the rest of the house was wealthy silent, not a good sign. This house was never quiet, there were too many people in the house for that to happen.

"The rule was not to be in Sev's room when we're not home," Ginny announced without turning to look at us. "Especially with the room closed and doing… _that_."

"Mum, it's not that big of a deal. We didn't do anything wrong," Sev tried, but that didn't go over too well.

"So you think breaking my very precariously set rules isn't wrong, Albus Severus?" she asked, her tone terrifying. "You think shacking up with this pierced slut isn't wrong?"

I winced and tore my hand from his; my temper was flaring and I wasn't going to deal with her being so rude. "Excuse me? I am not a slut."

"Yes, that's why you've shagged both my sons," she replied.

"I haven't slept with either of your sons, for your information," I told her through clenched teeth. "You've wanted a reason to hate me since Sev introduced me as his girlfriend, just waiting for me to mess up."

"You are way out of line, missy. I don't take kindly to you disrespecting me in my own home," she responded, her own temper flaring now. "Especially since I've seen you in your knickers with my son in his bed. That's the behavior of a slut if I've ever seen it."

I looked over at Sev, but he remained quietly seat at the kitchen table. "This wasn't all my doing, I wasn't caught on my own."

"Yes, but Sev isn't the kind of boy to do things like that. He doesn't break rules," she said. "He only did those things because you convinced him to. You manipulated him with lures of sex, I know that game very well, but you're not playing it with my son."

"Sev? A little help here?" But he didn't say a word.

"See? He knows what he did was wrong, both bringing you here and breaking the rules," Ginny said in a mock-cordial tone, walking over and placing her hand on his shoulder.

I turned on my heel and went up the stairs two at a time to get to Lily's room. I gathered up all my things, tears burning my eyes that I refused to let fall as I shoved everything in my bag. I pulled on my shoes and went back downstairs, bag in hand.

"Ana, don't go."

Sev was standing at the foot of the stairs with a desperate expression on his face. He was running his hands through his hair and chewing on his bottom lip.

"Amazing! You can speak now!" I cried, a couple tears breaking through. "You had no problem letting your mother cut me to the bone and defend your virtue."

"She was just upset, Ana," he tried, but I wasn't listening.

"No! No, you don't get to call me that anymore," I hissed, stepping away from his reaching hands and into the empty part of the living room floor. "I was wrong earlier when I said you could never do anything to disappoint me."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't give him the chance. I Apparated out of his house and to my flat. Stef was sitting on the couch and looked beyond surprised to see me. I dropped my bags and threw myself into his arms, bawling against his chest.

He wrapped me up tight and rocked me, brushing my hair out of my face since my bun was history. I must've been harsher when I was packing than I originally realized. Stef knew me well enough to know whatever happened was serious because I never cried. The fact that I was letting him see me fall apart like this spoke volumes.

Sometimes big brothers were necessary when you were having complete breakdowns.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**


	13. Firewhisky Fueled Decision

"I cannot believe she called you that!" Alexia exclaimed. "She's acting like the only man she ever shagged was Harry and I KNOW that's not the truth."

"I don't want to drag her and her sex life, I just wanted Sev to defend me," I replied, taking another spoonful of the ice cream sitting between the three of us on the table. "I thought he loved me, but I guess not."

Alexia, Austyn, and I were all sitting in Lex's kitchen and it was currently a quarter past two in the morning. I spent most of the night after I left the Potter house bawling in Stef's arms, letting him sooth me and threaten Sev with things that would most definitely get him kicked out of the Auror program. It wasn't the worst way to spend a night, if my entire body hadn't felt like it was caving in on itself I would've enjoyed it even more.

I sat my spoon on the table and pulled my knees up into the chair with me, laying my head on them. I foolishly thought Sev would always have my back after I told him everything. He knew how scared I was of being abandoned yet he didn't try to help me.

"I was so stupid to think he would be any different than any other guy," I sighed, tears burning my eyes against my will. "I just thought he was different, I thought he might actually stay."

My voice broke at the end of my sentence and I started crying again. Lex and Austyn immediately scooped me up and held me tight as I started to bawl for the millionth time in two days. "He promised me he'd stay. Why does everyone always leave?"

I sounded so pathetic and broken it made me want to vomit. Austyn spoke and tried her best to make things better for me, "We're not going anywhere."

"Just try and get rid of us," Alexia agreed, brushing one of my French braids over my shoulder and rubbing my shoulders.

"I don't want to be this girl anymore. I don't want to be the wild party girl that no one wants to be with," I told them, speaking the biggest fear I refused to admit until now. "Nobody's mum wants them to be in a relationship with me. I'm just the slutty friend."

"You are so much more than that and I could kick Sev's ass for making you feel like that's all you are," Austyn argued, brushing some of my fringe out of my eyes. "You're so outgoing and friendly, I've never met anyone who can make friends like you. You're also really talented at charms and DADA, even if you don't want anyone to know that last part."

"You're the best secret keeper I've ever met," Alexia added. "I know anything I tell you goes in the vault and never goes out. And you're a great listener, you could listen to me talk for hours and tell me everything I said when I ask. Plus you're so loyal to all of you friends, you'd do anything to make us happy."

"If Sev and his dumb mum can't see those things and all the other awesome things you bring to the table, neither of them are worth your time," Austyn amended. "As for being a slut, that's just bullshit and you know it."

"I love you guys," I exclaimed, trying to make myself get some semblance of control over my emotions again.

"You need to get back at him, make him remember how amazing you are!" Alexia suggested a couple minutes after I got a hold on myself

"The best way to get back at him is to get back out there," Austyn announced, eating a spoonful of the melting ice cream after she spoke. "James is having a party to celebrate him, Freddie, and Stef moving into their new flat tomorrow. Let's all get hot and go."

"You're right, that's exactly what I need to do. I'm not this girl, not the girl that gets all depressed over a stupid boy," I agreed, sitting up straighter and wiping my eyes. "I'm going to dance with the hottest guy there and have him eating out of the palm of my hand."

"There's our Ella! I missed her!" Lex shrieked, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me. "We're going to get ready for a party together and get super wasted!"

I was going to get so drunk I forgot my name and forgot all about Albus Severus Potter and how far he was up his mum's ass. Was it healthy? No. Was I going to do it anyways? Hell yes.

* * *

Austyn, Alexia, and I all got dressed at Austyn's house so Stef wouldn't see my outfit until I was already at his flat. The last thing I needed was for him to yell at me for my outfit choices. I wanted to look hot because it made me feel good about myself and it would attract attention, two things I desperately needed tonight.

We took a couple shots of firewhisky before we all used the Floo to go to my place and then to Stef's. He was already drinking with James and Freddie, but he smiled and made his way over until he saw what shirt I was wearing. His smile instantly turned into a frown and his finger came up, getting ready to wag in my face.

"Where the hell's the rest of your shirt?" he exclaimed, gesturing to my bare torso.

"I assume back at the factory in China where this shirt was made," I replied sassily, making Alexia and Austyn giggle. "Please let me have tonight without being a parental unit, I seriously need it."

He would've had an internal struggle if he wasn't already piss drunk. Well, he wasn't totally fucked yet but well on his way. He sighed before shrugging and going back over to the table with his beer sitting on it, turning the bottle up and chugging without stopping until it was empty.

"I'm sorry my brother's such a momma's boy, come drink with me," James said, walking over to us a little while later and slinging his arm around my shoulders.

Austyn was flirting with Brynn and Alexia was sitting on Freddie's lap at this point. Since they were both distracted, I allowed James to lead me out onto their balcony with a bottle of firewhiskey in one hand and mine in the other.

"Where's Alice? I figured she'd be here celebrating," I asked before taking a drink straight from the bottle and handing it back to him.

"Yeah, that's something you'd probably expect," he winced, taking his own drink. "You'd also probably expect her to say yes when I asked her to marry me because I did, too. But she didn't."

"What? You asked her to marry you and she said no?!" I asked in disbelief. "But you guys were awesome together!"

I took another drink as he explained the realness of the situation. "We've been fighting a lot lately, she's not as supportive of me going to the Academy as I thought she'd be. I figured if we got engaged, it would reassure her that she's it for me. I guess it wasn't what she wanted or I'm not it for her or something else I'm too drunk to understand because she turned me down flat in the middle of the very crowded, very public restaurant."

"You did a public proposal and she said no? That's so messed up," I chuckled, handing him back the bottle. "I don't know which one of us needs to get drunk the most."

He made a noise of agreement before taking another drink. I looked up at the sky, they had a really nice view from their flat. It was a really nice flat in general, they must be making bank right now unless Harry helped like I figured he did. I know mum didn't have anything to contribute to the cause, maybe George and Angelina helped a bit or something…

"If it means anything, I would've fought for you," he said.

I looked over at him and saw his big brown eyes were full of honesty. "I'm really glad you're in my life, Jay."

Before I even realized what was happening, James' lips were on mine and my back was pressed against the brick wall by the sliding glass doors that led out to the balcony. No one inside the party could see us, but that didn't really matter. We were both too drunk and heartbroken to care very much about who was watching.

He hefted me up and held me against the wall with his hips as one of his hands held my bare side and the other cupped my face roughly. Our kiss was hot and intense, both of us tilting our heads to get closer to the other and find the perfect angle. His fingers slipped into the back of my jeans and brushed the top of my ass, making me moan wantonly into his mouth.

"Fuck, Ella, you're so sexy," he groaned, pulling his mouth from mine to suck on my throat. "God, I wanted to do this for so long. You're so perfect."

"Take me back to your room," I slurred, tugging on his hair when he kissed the spot under my ear. "Merlin, take me now."

He pulled out his wand and apparated us there, sober enough to not draw attention and drunk enough to not have inhibitions. Exactly like me, also wanting to forget about exes and just lose themselves in something familiar.

* * *

I felt like there was a drum being pounded in my head and my stomach was flipping over itself when I woke up the next morning. I hadn't even eaten yet, but I felt like I was going to be ill everywhere. Instead of getting up, I rolled over and curled into the heat radiating from my side to fit the chill coursing through my body.

"Fuck, El, what'd we do?"

I opened my eyes immediately and saw that I was currently naked in bed with James Potter. "This was not what I meant when I said I wanted to fuck another guy."

"Yeah, this also wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to get over Alice," he replied, rubbing his temples. "Also, my head feels like it got beat with a broom a couple times."

I laughed and immediately groaned when it bounced around in my head. "Fuck, don't make me laugh when I'm this hungover."

"From what I remember, you were really good," he told me as he dug around for a couple potions for the two of us.

I laughed again before downing the bottle and flopping backwards against his pillows. "Judging from the pain in my thighs and the state of my hair, I'm assuming you were too."

"Wow, that's cool, Ella," he told me, laying back down beside me on the pillows. "You've got great tits, by the way."

"Merlin, that's definitely when I take my leave," I groaned, crawling out of bed to find my clothes.

"Your bum's pretty great, too."

I flipped him the bird before pulling on my panties and his t-shirt and venturing out into the flat. Austyn and Brynn were passed out together on the couch and Alexia's purse was sitting on the kitchen island. I looked around for her, hoping she didn't go somewhere without her wand –what was inside her bag.

"So you did shag James?" Austyn groaned, rolling out from under Brynn's arm and coming over to stand with me by the island.

"Yeah, he definitely wasn't on my list of things to do last night, but here we are," I replied, twisting my hair on top of my head and wrapping my elastic around it.

"You fucked your ex's big brother?" Brynn asked in disbelief, shaking his head at me. "Wow, that's definitely a way to get back at him."

I didn't think of it in those terms, but Brynn was totally right. "Holy shit, I fucked my ex's big brother."

"Shit, that was not something I even thought about. I was drunk, James is hot, and things happen," I replied, flopping down on one of the stools. "Well, I guess I'm the pierced slut now."

"Mum really called you that?" James asked, coming out of his room in just his boxers. "Damn, Ginny's got some fire left."

"Fuck off, it's not funny. I had sex with you, Sev's big brother," I told him, slapping his chest with the back of my hand.

"Did you two breakup?" Austyn asked, leaning against the counter beside me. "Like, officially?"

I thought back to our conversation at his place and replayed our conversation in my head. "Dammit to hell, no! I think we're still together and I shagged someone else. Oh Merlin's balls, I'm a cheater. Ginny's going to have a field day with that one."

"Why does mum have to know?" James asked, taking a drink from the milk carton he got from the fridge. "I'm not planning on bragging to my mum about fucking one of my best mates when I was drunk off my ass and fucked up about Alice. That's not a conversation I want to have with anyone, especially mummy dearest."

"There were a ton of hot birds here last night and you choose my sister? What the hell, man?" Stef asked, coming into the kitchen and seeing my state of undress.

James just shrugged and handed the milk to Stef who mirrored his shrug and took a drink. He sat on the stool beside me and let out a whistle, "Damn, little sis, you took most of the skin from his back."

Everyone laughed and I shook my head, figuring that was the easiest way out. Even with all the lighthearted banter being passed between us all as Austyn and Brynn started making us all breakfast, a stone of guilt sank in my stomach. I didn't mean to cheat on Sev, it just sort of happened, and especially not with his big brother. That was one of the shittiest thing I ever could've done.

Dammit, I was definitely going to hell now.

* * *

 **Wow, okay. Yeah, this is a thing now.**


	14. The Aftermath

**So, a lot of you guys were kind of negative about the choices I made in the last chapter and I don't appreciate it. I don't believe in sex-shaming ever or that it's ever acceptable, Ella made a couple mistakes, but she's not a slut. She wasn't making fun of Sev and she didn't think the situation was funny, she was just shocked it happened the way it did.**

 **With all that being said, please refrain from using any kind of negativity in the reviews. They're a total bummer to read before I start writing my chapters, I promise I had a reason behind all this insanity. Just give me a chance to elaborate on it before you jump to judgy conclusions, okay?**

* * *

By the time Saturday rolled around, I'd worried myself sick over the entire situation. I owled Sev to meet me at the Three Broomsticks so we could talk. I was going to tell him everything and take the punishment I deserved. Angry with him or not, it gave me no right to cheat on him with James. It was a shitty move and I had to lay in the bed I made.

I got dressed that morning and Apparated to Hogsmeade, going into the pub to wait for him. Thankfully, I was seventeen so I ordered a shot of firewhiskey to help gather my emotions before ordering a Butterbeer and taking a seat. The booth was away from most people and gave us some semblance of privacy because something told me this was going to be a pretty discussion.

I'd just gotten my drink when Sev came into the pub. His glasses immediately steamed up and he took them off, wiping the condensation on his jumper. His eyes had dark circles under them and he looked tired, but other than that he looked pretty normal.

"Ella, hi," he smiled, sitting across from me at the booth. "I'm so glad you owled me, I feel terrible about how we left things."

"I slept with James."

That was not how I planned on telling him, but I had a tendency to blurt things out under pressure. His entire demeanor changed, the hopefulness that lit his eyes seconds earlier was burned out now and he was frowning. Looking at him was literally breaking my heart into a million pieces.

"Oh," he finally squeaked.

"I was going to sleep with another guy, I wasn't planning on having sex with James. We got drunk and I was vulnerable and he was vulnerable and things just escalated," I hurriedly explained. "I know that's no excuse, but I forgot we didn't break up. Which isn't an excuse either, it actually just makes me sound like a complete bitch. And I am because I broke your heart and shagged your brother and proved your mom right all in one swoop."

He let out a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair as he thought about what to say. It was never good when he paused for that long, whatever came after was always poignant and perfectly spoken. Whatever he was about to say would be blunt and to the point, it would cut me completely to the bone and it was what I deserved.

"I deserved it. I should've stood up for you when mum was so rude," he said, taking my hand over the table. "I'm so sorry, it was all my fault that you had to drink and felt so vulnerable."

I pulled my hand from his and looked at him with wide eyes. "You stop that right now, Albus Severus! It wasn't your fault I acted this way, it was me. I should've talked things out with you or ended things, not fucked your brother. I am the pierced slut your mum thinks I am, and I proved it last night."

"No, you're not a slut. I know how much you hate that word," he replied, taking my hand in both of his this time so I couldn't pull away. "You had sex with James, that's not okay but it's understandable."

"It's not understandable, Sev! It's selfish and mean and terrible!" I cried, thankful for our booth's position now. "Stop being so understanding, it's not right. Be angry, shout at me and tell me that you'll never forgive me. Walk away from me forever because it's what I deserve."

"I'm not a confrontational person, Ella. I don't hold grudges or get angry about things I can't change," he replied, his face still disappointed but his tone even. "I know how afraid you are of people leaving when things get hard. I think you do things to make them leave so it's not a surprise, I think that's what you did last night."

"I hurt you, Sev! Don't rationalize it," I muttered, wishing I could pull my hand away and fold in on myself.

"You did hurt me, you broke my heart, but I understand why you did it," he replied, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. "I want to break this cycle, I want you to know I'm not going to leave because things are hard with you. I know you cheated, but I also know you're never going to do it again because you're so upset right now."

My chest was tight and my breathing was labored. "Sev, this isn't okay. You can't just let me treat you like crap because you're afraid I'm going to freak out. I have abandonment issues, but I'm not fragile. You're angry with me and you have every right to be, it's not healthy for you to bottle it up. What if, in ten years, you just explode on me about this and things get out of hand or something?"

"So, that's what this is really about?" he asked, realization coloring his face. "You're afraid I'm not actually dealing with this, that I'm going to keep all that anger inside and lash out later. I would never, EVER hit you, Ana."

And it all boiled down to that, but the bloody genius boy knew it before I did. Of course Sev knew what I was afraid of before I had an inkling of a clue. He knew what I was thinking all the time, it was one of my favorite things about him.

"I just don't want you to resent me for this because you're not dealing with it right now," I said tiredly. "I also don't want your mother to convince you to leave me because she thinks I'm not good enough."

"Mum and I had a talk the other night about how she treated you and she wants you to come over for dinner tomorrow so she can apologize," he promised, kissing the top of my hand.

"I don't deserve you, Sev," I sighed, leaning back against the seat. "You're too good for me, I swear to god."

His hands dropped mine and I felt the absence of his warmth immediately. I opened my eyes right as he sat down beside me, gesturing for me to scoot over so he could have more space to sit. When I slid, he moved with me and wrapped his arms around me as much as the booth would allow.

"You are the wildest, craziest, most infuriating person I have ever met. You make me want to scream and grab anything to keep from spinning out of control," he whispered into my hair. "Just promise to never break my heart again?"

I laughed wetly, surprise tears filling my eyes. "I don't know how to promise you that. I didn't think I would break your heart in first place, but here we are."

"My heart's not broken per say, it's just severely fractured," he told me, kissing my temple before pulling back to look at me fully. "It's nothing a day spent with you can't fix."

There was nothing in past I could recall doing that made me worthy of Sev's affections. Even if he didn't stand up for me against his mother, I had no right to do what I did –drunk or not. James was one of my best mates and nothing more, Sev was right when he said I would never hurt him again. It hurt me too much to even fathom how much it hurt him.

"I want to show you something, but you've got to have an open mind about it," I said a few minutes later after we'd each finished a Butterbeer.

He slid out of the booth and offered me his hand the second I stood up, too. We walked out of the pub together and I snatched one of the trashcan lids when nobody was watching. Sev raised his eyebrows in alarm and I muttered, "We'll return it when we're finished. Don't worry, head boy."

He chuckled uneasily, but I pulled him behind me anyway. When Stef, James, Freddie, and I were younger we used to come here and sled all the time without our parents knowing about it. The Floo at James' place was hooked up to the Three Broomsticks so we could use it to get here and back without anyone noticing. We couldn't very well bring sleds with us through the Floo, so we had to use whatever we could find and that meant getting creative sometimes –hence the trashcan lid in my hands.

We made it to the biggest hill that wasn't inside the fenced-in section of the Shrieking Shack. I'd heard rumors that Teddy was going to renovate it and make it a home for him and Vic, but I wasn't sure that was true. It was a haunted place after all, or at least all the students at Hogwarts swore up and down it was anyway.

"Are we about to go sledding, Ana?" he asked, wincing when he saw his breath in the waning sunlight. "It's freezing, we'll become ill or something if we get wet."

"Oh my god, stop being such a wimp. It's going to be awesome!" I told him, dropping the lid to the ground and twisting it a couple times to heat up the snow. "I'll go first, don't worry."

Before he could argue with me, I walked back a couple inches and ran at the lid. I dropped onto my butt right over it and went down the hill. I didn't go very fast because I was the first one and the snow was thick under the lid, but it was still fun. When I got back to the top of the hill, Sev was looking at me like I was crazy.

"You've gone completely mad!"

"Hush, just go down," I grinned, handing him the lid and giving him a push toward the edge of the hill. "Do you need me to give you a push, Sevykins?"

He huffed and took my teasing, pushing off on his own and completely snowballing down the hill sans sled. I tried to keep in my laughter, I really did, but when he stood up I completely lost it. He was covered in snow from his head to his toes, he looked like a yeti.

"Stop laughing and get rid of this snow before I develop hypothermia!" he shouted up the hill at me.

I put one of my feet on the trashcan lid and pushed off with my other. I rode down the hill like I was on a skateboard, keeping my balance surprisingly well considering I couldn't really see and it was really slippery. I was almost at the bottom when I lost my balance and went barreling into Sev, both of us falling into the snow a rolling a couple times.

When we finally stopped moving, I had to hold my sides because they were aching from all my laughter. Sev's chuckles mixed in soon enough and we were both dying of laughter in the middle of a snow drift. We sat up and he dusted the snow off my beanie while I did the same to his hair, what hadn't melted at least.

"You make me want to be wild," he told me, cupping my jaw in his cold fingers. "I want to be adventurous and do things without thinking whenever I'm with you."

"I want to think about everything and do what's right when I'm with you. I want to be a better person," I replied, kissing the tips of his fingers in time.

He leaned his forehead against mine and breathed, "I love you, Morgana Eleanor."

Warmth blossomed in my stomach and I forgot all about the snow around us. Sev still loved me even after everything that happened. He still wanted to be with me.

"I love you back," I grinned, leaning forward and connecting our lips.

"I hate to break this up, but I think I can't feel anything below my waist," he told me a couple seconds later. "Do you care to finish this tomorrow after dinner?"

Right, I still had to go to dinner tomorrow night with his mother. I had to look at Ginny Weasley-Potter, the woman who thought I was a pierced slut, and know in my mind that I slept with James. She already thought so, but I was living proof now.

"I won't let her treat you badly anymore," he told me after he stood and I didn't move. "Not again, never again."

He took my hands in his and pulled me to my feet, grabbing the trashcan lid from the snow covered grass across from us. I grabbed the labels of his coat and pulled him back to me, pressing our lips together one last time before we headed back into town.

"I love you."

"I know."

* * *

 **Before anyone says Sev reacted badly or unrealistically, please remember how much he loves Ella and knows about her temperament and past experiences. He doesn't want to hurt her or make her feel bad, he's trying to help her and be a good boyfriend at the same time.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	15. I'm a Hurricane

**I listened to a lot of angsty spoken word poetry while writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Also, there's a reference to a previous story I've written. It's the prequel of sorts to James and Alice's relationship, just throwing that out there for those of you that have no idea what that is.**

* * *

Alexia and Austyn helped me dig through my closet for the perfect outfit for dinner at the Potters' place tonight. I couldn't wear anything that exposed too much skin or was too grungy looking, I needed to look perfect. I didn't want to give her any more reason to hate me than she already did… fingers crossed she never found out about me and James shagging.

We settled on a red skater dress with thick black tights. I paired it with a pair of black, wedge booties and hid my septum inside my nose. Austyn did my hair while taking sips of champagne because I forbid her to do my makeup tipsy. Lex winked my eyeliner out just the right amount for it to be appropriate for dinner.

"You look gorgeous!" mum announced, taking the champagne bottle from Austyn and drinking some before handing it back to her. "Also, you're sharing this with me while we all watch Christmas movies and wait for El to tell us about her date with Satan."

I told my mom all about what Ginny said to me and everyone knew a mother never let things like that go. I even told her about having sex with James because I wanted her advice on what to do. At first she congratulated me because he was 'super gorgeous for a kid' and then told me I did the right thing with Sev. She also agreed that he reacted weird to the entire situation and that I should be on the lookout for anything else weird. By this point, I knew the cycle of abuse and what to look for –the last thing either of us wanted was for me to end up in a relationship like she was in for so long.

"We'll be here, don't make me a gramma," she told me, twirling a curl around her finger and watching Alexia spell it into place. "That magic thing is better than any hairspray I've ever used!"

I laughed before stepping into the Floo and going straight to hell. Sev was standing in front of the fireplace, anxiously fidgeting with the sleeve of his button down underneath his sweater. Without thinking about what I was doing, I stepped forward and straightened out the creases. He smiled at me thankfully and kissed my forehead, making warmth spread through my body.

"You look gorgeous, Merlin's beard!" he exclaimed, looking me up and down. "God, so gorgeous."

"Lookin' good, Morgana!" James exclaimed, shooting finger-guns at me before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, Alice and James are also having dinner with us tonight," Sev explained, sliding his fingers between mine and leading me over to sit with him on the couch. "Taking us by surprise, by the way."

"I didn't know they were back together," I remarked, playing with his fingers instead of looking at him. "Is this weird because I feel like it's weird? This is going to be so weird!"

He held the side of my face in his hand and rubbed his thumb over my cheekbone. "It's only weird if you make it weird, sweets."

"Gross, we haven't even eaten yet!" James remarked, coming into the living room with Alice close behind him. "Tonight's dinner is beef stew and it smells awesome."

"Don't you have your own place? Why are you eating with your mummy and daddy?" I asked, waggling my eyebrows at James teasingly. "It's nice to see you again Alice."

She looked at me icily and nodded, barely even acknowledging me. Oh my god, James told her about us shagging and she wasn't taking it as well as Sev did. Great, tonight was going to be bloody awful and there was nothing I could do about it.

* * *

Dinner happened about ten or so minutes later and we all gathered in the kitchen. I'd eaten more than a couple meals at this table, but none of them ever felt like this. Sev promised me Ginny wanted to apologize, but that wasn't the vibe I was getting from her. Every move of her hands with the utensils clutched in them was jerky and her expression stayed in a frown.

"El, where's your septum?" James asked during an awkward interlude of spoons scrapping the sides of soup bowls.

"Maybe she finally took the ridiculous thing out," Ginny suggested, her first smile of the night making appearance at my behalf.

I winced and pushed a carrot floating on top of my soup to the bottom of the bowl a couple times. "It's still there, I just hid it for dinner. I know it makes some people uncomfortable and I wanted to be respectful."

"You look lovely with or without it, Ella," Harry complimented, the tension making his voice tenser than I'd ever heard it. "I was sorry to hear you left so abruptly last week."

The dreaded argument had reared its ugly head. I either had to explain why I left or make up a better reason. At least I thought I did until Sev cleared his throat and everyone at the table looked at him with various expressions that all read one thing: surprise. Sev wasn't the center of attention ever, this must be something important.

"It was my fault she left, dad," he explained, his neck turning a tinge pink but otherwise behaving. "I didn't stand up for her like I should've and she reacted accordingly."

"There was hardly anything that required you to stand up for her," Ginny remarked, wiping the sides of her mouth with her napkin before continuing. "She just overreacted, it happens to all of us."

I'd love to find someone who would've acted differently than me when they were called a "pierced slut" or accused of sleeping with everyone at Hogwarts. Granted, I did sleep with both her sons –that didn't give her permission to ridicule me.

"Ella's not one to overreact, mum," James replied with a mouth full of soup. "She's possible the chilliest person I know, just being Stef."

"Because he's on that muggle weed or whatever it's called," she remarked flippantly.

Whatever handle I'd had on my anger was gone the second she brought Stef into the conversation when he didn't belong there. "Excuse me? If you don't even know what it is, why do you know Stef is on it? That's kind of a false accusation, something you're apparently very good at making, Mrs. Weasley-Potter."

Anger flashed behind her eyes as she unleashed herself. "That's very funny of you to bring up, Morgana. Apparently, we're both very good at being false."

I forgot how to breathe properly for a full ten seconds before my lungs sucked in air again. There was no way in hell she knew about me and James. He wouldn't have told her, Sev wouldn't have told her, and I sure as hell would never have opened my mouth. There was only one last option and the sly smirk on Alice's face told me all I needed to know.

"I was never false with you," I replied, trying to regain my bearings and solidify my insides.

She barked out a cruel laugh at that and, if I hadn't already made my insides steel, I would've flinched. "You're going to sit there and say you haven't slept with both my sons? That you're not just trying to get fame from shagging both the Potter boys?"

That made whatever witty barb I had ready to throw at her dissolve on my tongue. She thought I was trying to get _fame_ from being friends with James and dating Sev, or shagging both of them as she thought? That thought had never, ever crossed my mind in the seven years I'd known both the Potter boys.

"Mum, that was out of line," Sev scolded hollowly. "She and James were friends long before we got together, I don't think she was looking for fame when she befriended him or dated me."

Ginny just shrugged before going back to her verbal assault on my character. "The truth, however you want to hash it out, is that you're dating Sev and slept with James. That's the only way to word it, or am I wrong?"

There was no argument against the truth and she knew that. I couldn't rebut that and keep my dignity, there was no way I could ignore it and keep my dignity either. This was just a bad situation all around.

"She's not wrong, you know?" Alice spoke for the first time.

Without thinking, I let my anger do my talking. "Are you really one to reprimand me for cheating, Alice? Or do you not remember Carver?"

She winced and I did a small victory dance in my head. She started a feud with the wrong girl, I was too good at making people hate me. I'd been doing it most of my life, just ask my father.

"El, that was a little too far," James told me.

And that was all I could take. "Thank you for dinner, it was lovely. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure this is the last time I'll ever visit the Potter house."

I sat my napkin on my seat and walked out of the room. Instead of Apparating while angry, a hazard I learned when we first started getting our lessons on the subject, I stalked out of the house and walked for a while. I'd intended to cool off, figuratively instead of literally, but I couldn't feel my kneecaps after about five minutes.

"Morgana Eleanor! Will you stop walking and let me give you this jacket?" Sev shouted, making me huff and dig my heels into the snow covered sidewalk. "Thank you! Merlin, you're fast for someone with such short legs."

"Bugger off, would you?" I snapped, refusing to take the jacket he held out to me. "When someone storms off like that, it usually implies that want to be alone. I figured a genius like you would know that."

As much as I didn't want to, I fell into my default mode. I was lashing out at Sev to make him distance himself from me. Letting people in and letting them get close only made things worse, I knew that yet still foolishly fell in love with Sev.

"Don't do that, don't treat me like I'm just another face," he argued, holding his ground stubbornly.

"I'm not treating you like another face, this was just stupid. I'm not the girl you need and you're not the guy I need," I replied, ice-queen engaged. "You said it yourself, I'm a wildfire and you're a candle flame. We don't work and we were stupid to think we ever would."

"We do work, no one else's opinion matters!" he replied quickly, making moves to take my hands, but I crossed them over my chest before he could. "Please don't do this, El."

"I'm not this girl! I don't wear pretty, modest length dresses with tights and my hair tamed. I don't tuck away my septum because it isn't respectable. I don't give a damn what people think," I cried, the icy wind prickling at my bare arms but not making me stutter. "And your mother's opinion matters a lot to you. I know it, you know it, everyone in the country of England knows it. I'm never going to be the girl your mum wants you with, she's said it time and time again."

"Yes, her opinion is important to me, but keeping you in my life is also important." He was still holding his ground even when I tried to cause tremors underneath it. "I love you, Ella."

"See, that's where you're wrong. No one can love me, I'm a hurricane that ruins everything," I told him. "There's a calm before I erupt when you think everything's going to be fine, and then the waves come crashing in and I leave to survivors. No one can ever survive loving me, Sev. That's why people leave me, I can't be loved. I know that and I'm trying my best to teach you that, too."

"No, I'm not letting you self-destruct and walk away from this again. I'm not losing you again because I didn't fight hard enough," he shouted, making me flinch and tighten my body. The he practically begged, "I will fight anyone and everything to keep loving you, even if I'm fighting you."

I had no words to say so I just pulled my wand out of my bag and apparated away. Instead of being the one who got left, I finally got to be the one who did the leaving.

* * *

 **I know it's rough and she's kind of redundant, but it's called a cycle for a reason.**


	16. Final Choices

**This is it, folks, the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who supported and reviewed and favorited and followed this story! I am so happy you loved it as much as I did.**

* * *

"I think I want to talk to dad."

Stef and I were out shopping for final Christmas presents and currently eating lunch together. I wanted to tell break the news to him in person so he wouldn't make too big of a scene. The two of us hadn't seen our father in years and, for all I knew, Stef never wanted to see him again.

"You what?" he asked after he'd mopped up the Butterbeer off the table he'd spat out.

"I want to confront dad and maybe get some sort of closure," I explained, sipping my own water. "I don't want to walk around with this huge chip on my shoulder anymore."

"He's not a good guy, El. I don't want you to go and meet him just to get your hopes up," he said, raking a hand through his hair nervously. "It's not going to be what you're expecting."

"I don't have any hopes and I'm not expecting anything other than a disaster, but I'm still meeting him. I'm eighteen years old, I can make this decision for myself," I told him, effectively ending the discussion.

We ate the rest of our lunch in silence and cut the shopping trip short. I must've really upset him, but this was something I had to do. This man couldn't keep ruining all my relationships, it wasn't fair. I pretty much knew I'd never get another chance with Sev, but I couldn't keep mucking up my relationships because of the damage dear ol' dad left me with.

* * *

I smoothed down my hair more than a couple times as I sat in the booth waiting for him. We were in public yet again because I wasn't sure what he'd do. He'd always had a temper and I really didn't fancy getting a black eye right before we took all our holiday pictures. I also didn't fancy getting an 'I told you so' from Stef.

"Hello, Ella."

I expected him to look like he did when he left, but I was wrong. He was dressed in a sharp suit with his hair cut and his face cleanly shaven. This man didn't look like he even knew what alcohol was, much less used to be an alcoholic.

"Do you mind if I sit?" he asked, gesturing to the empty seat across from me. When I nodded, he sat and said, "You used to love this place when we were little. You turned seven in that both over there."

"I didn't come here to reminisce," I told him, harsher than necessary but whatever. "I want to know why you did the things you did."

He sighed and it seemed to come deep from within him. "I wasn't cut out to be a father, but Stef and you needed one. I drank and was mean, I had to leave before I did something terrible –more terrible than hitting my own kid or breaking your wrist."

"So, you left because you were afraid you'd mess us up after you already messed us up?" I asked, trying to clarify things. "You're the reason I can't let anyone get close to me, the reason I can't let the best man I've ever met get close to me. I cheated on him and broke up with him because I was afraid he'd leave and break my heart. Do you hear how fucked up that is? I'm like this because you made me this way."

Keeping my voice steady and quiet was a struggle, but I did it. The last thing I needed was a bunch of muggles looking at us. Being in an all muggle diner all these years later was odd. I never went to places like this anymore, they just reminded me of my father and that was the last thing I ever wanted.

"I get that and I'm sorry. I can't change what I did even if I really wish I could," he told me, glancing at his watch like this was wasting his time.

"I tell you that you fucked me up beyond repair and all you can say is sorry? You made your son and wife punching bags and you're sorry? You made me afraid of screaming and anyone ever touching me when they're angry and you're sorry?" I told him, still trying my best to keep my voice down.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and I noticed for the first time the silver band on his ring finger. "You're remarried?"

"Yes, and I have three kids," he told me.

My heart was ripped out of my chest right then and stomped on. "You couldn't be a father to me and Stef or a husband to mum, but you can to this new family? You can get sober for them? You can remember to come home for them?"

"I admit I was a shit father to you and husband to your mother, but I'm not like that anymore. I wasn't ready to be a father then and I am now," he tried to explain to me, but my fuse had already been lit and I was about to detonate.

I shoved up from the table and stormed out of the diner, trying to get as far away from the situation as possible. As pathetic as it sounds, I expected him to follow me or something, but that didn't happen. I was standing alone out on the snow covered streets with pathetic, frustrated tears brimming in my eyes.

I pulled my wand out of my waistband and Apparated to Stef's flat. I just wanted my brother to hold me and tell me everything was okay. I should've listened to him, he always knew what was right and wrong. That was a gene I'd never inherited.

"Ana? What's wrong?"

Shit, of course Sev would be here. It was purely karma's doing, I was basically at my lowest and he had to see me. Maybe he would see it as a bullet he'd dodged, but deep down I knew he was too good of a person for that.

"I'm a piece of shit because I came from a piece of shit," I told him, going over to the fridge and grabbing the bottle of vodka from the freezer.

"You're not a piece of shit," he said, keeping his distance.

I tossed my jacket onto the table along with my scarf before hopping onto the counter and drinking from the frosty bottle. "Everyone else who's ever met me would agree. I have no idea why you don't."

"Because I know you only do the things you do because you're scared. You're scared someone's going to get close and walk away, but we're all here to stay," he replied, walking over to me slowly like I was a scared animal or something.

A sick sense of déjà vu enveloped me and made me empty the contents of my stomach in the sink beside my hips. Sev was coming up to me like my mom did when my dad was in one of his alcohol induced rages. I was holding a bottle of vodka like it was a life line and treating the people I loved like shit because I thought they were better than what I deserved. I was actually my father, my biggest fear in the world realized.

"He has a new family and he doesn't drink and he has a good job," I told Sev miserably. "He's the perfect father to the perfect family. We were the reason he drank and was angry and hated everything."

That made Sev come over to me faster and stand a couple inches away. "You're not the reason your father drank or was a horrible person. You're not a bad luck charm. You're so beautiful and amazing, if you'd just let yourself be happy and loved."

He crossed the rest of the way to me and wrapped his arms around my body. I didn't realize I was shaking and crying until I heard him shushing me. He told me he loved me a million different times and he kissed my hair. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held his as tight to me as I could get, contemplating never letting him go again.

Maybe he was right, maybe this wasn't my fault. I was a kid when my dad started drinking and so was Stef. What could we have possibly done to cause or to stop him? I may not have had a father who stayed, but I had a kickass mother and a wonderful brother who stood by me through everything along with three best friends who would fight with me in any battle. And a beautiful boy who loved me even when I was pushing him away with both hands. My life couldn't possibly be any better.

"Sev, do you want to go back to your room?" I asked, twisting my fingers in his curls. "I want to make love to you and not in this flat."

"Are you sure? I don't want to do this and you run away again, I don't think I could handle that," he told me honestly, his cheeks and neck turning red. "I love you, but that's a huge step for me."

"I want to be your first, but only if you want me," I told him, running my nails along the back of his neck as I spoke. "I'm not running anymore, you're too stubborn to let go of me and I want to stay."

He nodded and stepped back so I could stand up. I wrapped my arms back around his waist and felt him Apparate us back to his room. I placed a silencing charm around the room and charmed the door locked, the last thing I needed was to deal with his mum right now.

I tossed off my hat and toed off my booties, watching Sev shrug off his cardigan and kick off his Converse. Then he looked at me expectantly, obviously waiting for me to give him some kind of direction. I walked over to him and waited for his eyes to meet mine before speaking.

"This is about you, too. I want you to do whatever feels right to you and I'll do the same," I told him brushing my fingers over his lips. "I love you."

He nodded and placed his hands on my hips, leaning in too fast and slamming our foreheads together. I giggled and held his face this time, angling it so our lips lined up perfectly.

"Relax," I murmured against them, still grinning.

He nodded and pulled me close, placing small little kisses all over my lips. I huffed in frustration before starting to unbutton his shirt, trailing my fingers along the skin of his belly and watching him shiver.

Oh, tonight was going to be very fun.

* * *

I underestimated the libido of a boy who just lost his virginity. He and I ended up having sex four times that night before we finally cuddled up together. His fingers were drumming rhythmically against my hip and my head was resting on his chest with my own hand rubbing along his happy trail.

"There's not a chance of your family walking in on us, right?" I asked, looking up at him contentedly. "I really don't want to deal with your mum right now, no offense."

"They're all at the Burrow," he hummed. "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, we all spend that night and Christmas night there. I'm heading over tomorrow, I want you to come with me for a while. If you want, of course."

"Do you think that's a good idea? The last time I was here, I basically screamed at your mother and swore I'd never be back," I replied, twisting my body around and crossing my arms on his chest to rest my chin on. "I don't think I could ever look your mother in the face again."

"That doesn't matter, none of that matters," he swore to me. "I want to be with you for the rest of my life, my mum just has to deal with that. I'm okay with what you and James did, it sucks but it happened. I know you'll never do it again and I dealt with it, they have to as well."

I kissed his chin and tucked my head into his neck. "I love you so much."

"I love you."

* * *

 **It was a fun ride! Thanks for going on it with me.**


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